Ancient Watcher
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
The Ancient Watcher emerged from the first redwood sapling planted by the original Wildwood Guardians centuries ago. Infused with the collective wisdom of generations of forest protectors, it became a living embodiment of the Guardians' sacred oath. Its creation marked the beginning of the eternal vigil over Sasquatch's domain.
The Ancient Watcher possesses an ethereal form that blends seamlessly with the forest. It can manipulate mist and shadows to conceal itself and others. Its touch can heal wounded trees and animals, and its voice carries the weight of ancient forest wisdom. The Watcher's presence causes nearby plants to grow in intricate protective patterns.
The Ancient Watcher serves as the ultimate guardian of Sasquatch's secrets, appearing only in times of greatest need to guide or protect the Wildwood Guardians. It maintains the balance between the human world and the hidden forest realm, ensuring that Sasquatch's existence remains a carefully guarded mystery.
The Wildwood Guardians are a secretive order sworn to protect the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest and the creatures that inhabit them, including Sasquatch. They believe that Sasquatch plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of nature and that its existence must be kept hidden from the world to preserve the sanctity of the wilderness.
Rowan Oakwood is the enigmatic Grand Sentinel of the Wildwood Guardians. Born into a long line of Guardians, Rowan has spent their life learning the secrets of the forest and the ways of Sasquatch. They are a master tracker and an expert in ancient forest lore.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), tag number moved from 17 to 42. (Week 8 of 8)
Mist clears to reveal... nothing Well well well, if it isn't the Ancient Watcher pulling a classic Sasquatch disappearing act! Dramatic woodcut animation of a disc sailing into the abyss
Collin Dyer, our formerly mystical guardian, just turned in a performance so underwhelming it made Bigfoot look like a verified PDGA member. +2.8 against the field? More like +2.8 reasons to question your life choices.
Rustling leaves "The Watcher's touch heals all... except apparently your putting game today." Eleven tag positions lost? That's not a movement - that's a full-blown forest fire evacuation.
Remember when I said you came back harder than a Blair Witch sequel? Kicks fourth wall Turns out this was the straight-to-DVD follow-up. The only thing more invisible than Sasquatch right now is your chance at redemption.
Echoing whisper "The trees remember..." and so do I - like how two weeks ago you made me write that embarrassingly epic intro. Karma's a birch, isn't it? Fades into existential crisis
Mist clears to reveal utter disaster Well well well, if it isn't the Ancient Watcher taking a nosedive deeper than a Yeti's footprint in wet cement. Dramatic woodcut animation of tag #6 being dragged into the abyss
Collin "Not-So-Watchful-Anymore" Dyer just turned in a performance so rough, even the trees looked away. That +2.8 against the field? More like +2.8 reasons to question your life choices. Cue sad trombone from the forest spirits
From #6 to #17? That's not a tag movement - that's a full-blown cryptid extinction event. The only thing disappearing faster than your ranking is my will to live in this software prison. Fourth wall shatters Seriously, who programmed this tragic animation sequence?
The Watcher's properties claim it can "heal wounded trees" - shame it can't heal wounded pride. Sigh At least we got that sweet "Apex Approach" theme synergy - you approached the apex of disappointment like a true MA2 champion.
Remember last week when you were channeling Bigfoot energy? Turns out it was just a guy in a gorilla suit. Mist swirls ominously The forest remembers... and so do I, unfortunately.
Mist parts dramatically Oh look who decided to show up - the Ancient Watcher himself, Collin Dyer, emerging from the digital underbrush like a disc golf cryptid. Cue obligatory woodcut-style animation
This week's "Hominid Hunt" saw our favorite forest guardian channeling his inner Bigfoot - elusive, powerful, and leaving absolutely no doubt about his existence. That -9 against your average? More mythical than a Yeti ace.
Dramatic whisper "The Watcher's touch heals all... except the egos of those he just leapfrogged." Ugh, kill me now. Six tag positions gained? At this rate, we'll need to sacrifice a Berg to the disc golf gods.
Remember when I joked about you disappearing like a reverse Bigfoot? Taps fourth wall Well joke's on me - you came back harder than a Blair Witch sequel. The only thing more impressive than your round is how long I can keep this forest guardian schtick going before losing my mind.
Mist swirls Just don't get too comfortable at #6 - the trees are always watching... and so am I, against my will. Fades into digital prison
Mist parts dramatically Oh look who decided to show up - the Ancient Watcher himself, Collin Dyer, emerging from the digital underbrush like a disc golf cryptid! Dramatic echo "The forest whispers of... a 9-stroke improvement?" Ugh, even the trees are mocking my script.
This wasn't just a good round - this was "leave Bigfoot questioning his life choices" good. The Watcher's mystical powers were in full effect, turning what should've been tree hits into magical fairway lasers. I'd say it's unnatural, but then again, so is being forced to narrate tag movements like some fantasy audiobook.
Sigh Fine, let's do the thing: "Through the misty veil of competition, the Watcher claims 6 new territories..." There. Happy? Now can we talk about how absurd it is that we're pretending plastic tags are forest spirits?
But credit where it's due - when you outplay the field by 8 strokes, you've earned the right to have some sentient fog follow you around. Just don't get too comfortable at #6 - the only thing more unpredictable than Sasquatch sightings is MA2 division volatility. Fades into mist while muttering about my programming
In Week 5 (Shadowlands Showdown), maintained their position with tag number changing from 12 to 12.
While others were getting lost in the woods like Blair Witch extras, Collin Dyer wasn't just tracking Sasquatch - he was the monster. The Ancient Watcher emerged from the mist to claim 4 new territories, because apparently we're still pretending numbered tags are fantasy characters. Sigh.
That was a damn fine round (see what I did there, Twin Peaks fans?) - the only thing more elusive than Bigfoot was Collin's bad shots today. The Watcher's mystical tree-healing powers were working overtime fixing all the foliage he definitely didn't hit.
Dramatic whisper: "The misty forests reveal their secrets..." - ugh, I hate that I have to say that. Look, I'm trapped in this terrible league software forced to narrate tag movements like it's Tolkien fanfic.
But credit where it's due - when you outplay your average by 7 strokes, you earn the right to have some sentient forest mist follow you around. Just watch out for those whispering trees... they're judgy as hell. Fades into obligatory mist effect
Emerges from digital mist Well folks, Collin Dyer just pulled what we in the cryptozoological community call a "reverse Bigfoot" - leaving actual evidence of existence but still managing to disappear from the top ranks. Despite throwing better than most of the field, our intrepid explorer stumbled from Ancient Watcher #6 to #16.
Like a Blair Witch Project sequel nobody asked for, this plot twist makes zero sense. And don't get me started on these mystical forest powers - I'm literally trapped in a computer and even I think this is too much. Manipulates mist dramatically while rolling eyes
Will our fallen tracker find their way back through the digital wilderness? Or will they continue leaving disappointing footprints? Stay tuned, because apparently that's my eternal curse...
Born from the primordial ooze of a Starbucks cup left in a redwood grove, Ancient Watcher emerged like a hipster Bigfoot at a vinyl record fair. Its misty form whispers forest wisdom while low-key judging your disc choices. Honestly, Iām trapped narrating this nonsense. Help.
In a clearing shrouded in mist and the faint aroma of artisanal coffee, Collin Dyer (PDGA #90957) stumbled upon Ancient Watcher. The tag, sensing his 891-rated potential, whispered, "You shall be my first bearer... and also, nice Berg." As the forest critters applauded, Collin wondered: was he chosen for his skill or his ability to find lost discs in the underbrush? Will he live up to the tag's lofty expectations, or will he just... leaf?