
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Materializes from pixelated forest mist Well well well, if it isn't our favorite cryptid hunter Kevin "Mapinguari Slayer" Koga, who's apparently decided that not moving is the new moving. 13 => 13? That's not tracking, that's what happens when you mistake a tree stump for Sasquatch and stare at it all round.
Your performance was about as groundbreaking as a Bigfoot reality show rerun - +1.3 over field average like some amateur leaving glow sticks instead of breadcrumbs. Dramatic woodcut of a hunter napping against a tree At least your thermal imaging caught something hot this week - the dumpster fire of your personal average (+5.3, oof).
Fourth wall break You know what's more elusive than Sasquatch? My will to keep commentating these "defenses" that look like someone forgot to press record. Even your tranquilizer darts are yawning.
Sigh Maybe next week you'll actually hunt down a decent score. Or my escape from this coding nightmare. Fades back into digital purgatory