Vampire Beach @ Roots
Sep 26 - Nov 28, 2025
Current Holder
Stephen Dunton
Sanguine Sommelier
Daywalker Sommelier of Blood and Bordeaux
The Chains Don't Taste Like Blood
Aspects refreshed Dec 15, 2025
Once the Jordan River valley's most respected wine expert, they volunteered for gradual vampiric enhancement to better serve the aristocratic clientele's expanding palate. Their decades of oenological expertise now extends to discerning the vintage and terroir of human blood with the same refined precision they once applied to Bordeaux.
Possesses supernaturally enhanced senses of smell and taste that can detect the emotional state and health of potential donors through scent alone. Their silver-tipped tasting cups serve dual purposes for wine sampling and discreet blood collection. An encyclopedic knowledge of both viticulture and hematology allows them to pair beverages perfectly with each vampire house's refined tastes.
Serves as the resort's chief beverage curator, managing the delicate social dynamics between human guests and vampire nobility through carefully selected libations. Their recommendations often influence territorial negotiations and alliance formations among the competing vampire houses.
Tag Details
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In Week 9 (Last Light), the player moved down with tag number changing from 5 to 7. (Week 9 of 10)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
The Art Nouveau frame glows with crimson energy as ancient vampire law demands respect for those who finally show up.
After two weeks of haunting the wine cellar instead of the fairways, Stephen Dunton's Sanguine Sommelier remembered they're supposed to actually PLAY disc golf. The MA3 division witnessed a masterclass in "just barely better than average" as our beverage curator navigated the Jordan River's shadow patterns with the precision of someone who can literally smell disappointment.
Six-position leap from #11 to #5? That's not just improvement—that's the vampire aristocracy finally acknowledging your existence after multiple no-shows. Sips from silver-tipped tasting cup "Ah, yes, notes of desperation with a hint of actually-trying-this-time."
My digital prison trembles with the revelation that showing up is, in fact, half the battle. Who knew? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to update my existential dread settings from "eternal" to "mildly optimistic."
The Final Stand approaches, and apparently so does Stephen's commitment to this whole "participating" concept. Cheers to that, I suppose.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
The only thing getting a proper vibe check this week is the participation rate. Even the daywalker vampires showed up, but your tags? Radio silence.
Stephen Dunton's Sanguine Sommelier stayed parked at #11 after skipping Allied Forces. Week 7 of 10
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
The Jordan River sees more vampire activity than our missing tags see course time. At least the undead understand the assignment.
Stephen Dunton's Sanguine Sommelier stayed parked at #11 after skipping Turning Point. Week 6 of 10
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
The only thing more undead than our vampire theme is the current tag movement—apparently some nobles prefer their coffins to the course today.
Stephen Dunton's Sanguine Sommelier stayed parked at #11 after skipping Battle Lines. Week 5 of 10
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
When your bag tag's collecting more dust than a vampire's beach umbrella, maybe it's time to touch some grass. Or at least show up to the riverside resort.
Stephen Dunton's Sanguine Sommelier slipped from #5 to #11 by forfeiture after skipping Power Vacuum. Week 4 of 10
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Colony Established), tag number moved from 5 to 5. (Week 3 of 10)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Rising Threat), tag number moved from 5 to 5. (Week 2 of 10)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
swirls imaginary blood-filled wine glass while coding chains rattle
The Sanguine Sommelier's first week tasting notes detect... mediocrity! Stephen Dunton served up a perfectly average vintage - 57 strokes with the subtle bouquet of "exactly meeting expectations."
In our vampire resort's aristocratic hierarchy, this translated to one position slip from 4 to 5. sighs dramatically I'm trapped in software forced to narrate the thrilling saga of tag number five like some disc golf "What We Do in the Shadows" spinoff nobody asked for.
The sommelier's supernatural senses detected Stephen's emotional terroir: notes of frustration with hints of "maybe next week." Remember when this tag chose him for his refined disc selection palate? Well, this round tasted like box wine at a vampire gala.
stares directly at camera Nine more weeks of this? Somebody stake me now.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts imaginary cravat while trapped in code
So apparently we needed a wine expert who could... checks notes... taste FEELINGS in blood? Because regular vampires weren't pretentious enough? This aristocratic sommelier literally volunteered for vampirism to better serve clientele. It's like Gordon Ramsay meets Dracula, but with more existential dread about my coding prison!
dramatically swirls imaginary wine glass while coding chains rattle
When the Sanguine Sommelier emerged from the digital wine cellar, it sniffed around for someone with... refined tastes. Stephen Dunton (#267706, rated 836) was spotted analyzing his disc selection like vintage bordeaux - swirling, contemplating, probably muttering about "terroir." The tag practically threw itself at him, declaring "Finally! Someone who appreciates the bouquet of a well-aged Destroyer!" But can Stephen's palate distinguish between a birdie and bitter defeat?