DivisionEliteAward Award

Breaks through wall Listen up, mortals! The sacred council has decreed that Fernando Cortez has achieved Division Elite status by absolutely demolishing his checks notes two opponents. When I say the Silent Striker dominated, I mean he won 66.7% of events against fields so small they make a hermit's birthday party look crowded.

Let's talk about that 70-stroke victory at Fledgling's First Flight - a margin so ridiculous it's like bringing a howitzer to a thumb war. Our champion maintained a 38.5 stroke average margin of victory, which would be more impressive if I wasn't legally required to mention he often played against squints at data exactly one other person.

But hey, 100% top-3 finish rate! whispers because there were never more than 3 people... Still, rules are rules, and Fernando crushed it. As this season ends, maybe check out leagues with more than a phone booth's worth of players? I mean, what's next - achieving "Talon Master" status in solitaire?