Creek Heist

dramatic horror sting crashes through the digital fog

Welcome to Creek Heist, where sixteen souls braved 42-degree rain to throw plastic at metal in the name of… checks smudged script …reclaiming stolen baskets from a corrupt scrap dealer? Sure. Let's go with that. I'm your creature-feature narrator, trapped in this VHS nightmare, and the real horror is that you're all voluntarily standing in freezing rain for league points. 🎬💀

The Heist Begins… In The Cold 😐

The baskets were gone. Vanished overnight. At least that's what the theme document claims—honestly, they looked pretty permanently installed to me, but who am I to argue with the narrative budget? Sixteen players descended on Creekside Park for Week 1 of Chainspotting's nine-week survival arc, facing down the Reel Lines Series layout in conditions that can only be described as "why did I leave my house?" Rain. 42 degrees. Wind gusting to 7.5 mph. The cottonwoods dripped. The creek babbled its indifference. Big Cottonwood Creek doesn't care about your putting percentage, and neither does February. This wasn't just disc golf—this was the opening montage of a low-budget indie film where everyone's method-acting hypothermia. 🌧️❄️

RAD Drops In Hot 😐

Eric Pearson and Craig Bennett stepped into Pool A's RPA division like they were auditioning for the lead role in "Survival of the Most Consistent." Craig jumped out early, carding birdies on holes 2, 3, and 5 to seize the lead by two strokes. For a glorious moment, it looked like a wire-to-wire coronation. Then the back nine happened. Eric went clean—six straight pars from hole 13 onward—while Craig's game developed a stutter, dropping strokes on 10, 14, and 16. Final tally: Eric 56 (+2), Craig 57 (+3). A one-stroke margin decided by consistency, not heroics. Eric's rating climbed 11 points to 877. Craig's fell 6 points to 866. The arena doesn't reward "almost." It rewards finishing. 🎯🔥

RAE: Where Leads Go to Die 😐

If RPA was a chess match, RAE was a demolition derby with scorecards. Christopher Hamby entered as the underdog and left as the victor, but not before the lead changed hands more times than a bad relay race. Stephen Dunton opened hot with back-to-back birdies on holes 1-2, taking an early two-stroke cushion. Then Ian Dahlen Flor surged into a tie by hole 9, fueled by clutch Circle 2 putting (66.7% for the round, tracked on PDGA Live—thank you, Ian, for giving me actual data to work with). Stephen faded on the back nine, dropping three strokes between holes 10-13. Christopher, meanwhile, went full sleeper-cell activation: even-par golf from hole 7 onward, sneaking past both challengers to claim the win at 60 (+6). Ian finished second at 62 (+8), Stephen third at 63 (+9). Christopher's rating rocketed 30 points to 827. The comeback wasn't cinematic—it was surgical. 🎢📈

RAF: Wire-to-Wire in the Rain 😐

Kevin Koga didn't just win the RAF division—he owned it. Wire-to-wire dominance in a two-player showdown that felt less like competition and more like a solo mission with a witness. Kevin opened with a birdie on hole 1, never trailed, and closed with a 59 (+5). William Fetzer hung tough, stringing together a six-hole par train from holes 6-11, but couldn't close the gap. Final margin: three strokes. William finished at 62 (+8). Kevin's rating jumped 42 points to 790—the biggest single-event surge of the day. William climbed 18 points to 748. Two players. Cold rain. No drama, just execution. Sometimes the heist goes exactly according to plan. 🚂💧

The Loneliest Bag Tag in Millcreek 😐

Samuel Smith played RAG alone. No cardmates. No competition. Just him, the rain, and a scorecard that became a personal therapy session. He led wire-to-wire by default, which sounds like a participation trophy until you realize he still had to finish the round. Samuel opened cold—literally and figuratively—carding six straight pars before finally breaking through with a birdie on hole 7. Then the wheels wobbled: bogeys on 8, 11, and 13 dragged him back to reality. But he steadied, closing with five pars over the final stretch to post a 59 (+5). Rating: 790, up 14 points. No one to chase. No one chasing him. Just a man, a mission, and the creeping suspicion that maybe showing up is 90% of survival. 🏆🌲

The Statistically Significant Few 😐

Let's talk rating bombs, because some of you decided to overachieve in the cold. Christopher Hamby: +30 points. Kevin Koga: +42 points. William Fetzer: +18 points. Brian Hansen: +28 points. These weren't flukes—they were statements. And here's where I pause to thank Ian Dahlen Flor for entering full throw-by-throw stats on PDGA Live. Circle 2 putting at 66.7%? Fairway hits? Scramble rate? Chef's kiss. This is how you unlock deeper narratives, folks. The more data you log, the more I can roast—uh, celebrate—your performance. PDGA Live isn't just for pros. It's for anyone who wants their round immortalized in sarcastic prose. Track your stats. Feed the beast. 📊🔬

Super Ace Pot Still Super Empty 😐

The Super Ace Pot sits at $356, untouched and unbothered, like a neon sign flickering over an empty diner. Not a single ace landed this week. Not even close, from what I can see. Sixteen players. Eighteen holes. Zero metal-crashing moments of glory. The pot grows. The suspense builds. Somewhere, a disc is warming up in a garage, dreaming of chains. Will it be you? Will it be next week? Or will this thing balloon to $500 before someone finally parks one from 250 feet and pretends it was intentional? Stay tuned. The static hums louder. 💰⛓️

$90 Lost in the Static 😐

The skins game saw $90 change hands across three cards, with Brian Hansen emerging as the week's apex predator. Brian scooped 11 skins, including a dominant stretch through the middle holes that left his cardmates scrambling for scraps. Ian Dahlen Flor capitalized on a carryover pot at hole 16, grabbing a clutch skin when it mattered most. The rest? Distributed in small, painful increments—the disc golf equivalent of losing your lunch money one quarter at a time. For the uninitiated, skins rules are simple: lowest score on a hole wins the pot; ties carry over. It's capitalism with a scorecard, and this week, Brian was the banker. 💸🎰

Neon Requiem Finds Its Frequency 😐

And here it is—the moment the VHS tape was waiting for. Brian Hansen didn't just win RPA. He claimed the #1 bag tag: Neon Requiem, the inaugural Elite Junkie of the Chainspotting league. A warped chrome relic etched with pulsing glyphs, cracked glass overlays, and a faint electric glow—this tag doesn't speak, it hums. Born from abandoned arcades and dead satellites, it thrives under pressure, resonating in the liminal space between signal and silence. Brian's 48 strokes (-6) set the course record for Week 1, a wire-to-wire performance that synced perfectly with the tag's mythos. The Neon Requiem wasn't found. It answered. And now it rides with him into Week 2, a spectral anthem for anyone who plays not for glory, but for remembrance. From Withdrawal to Elite Junkie in one round. The frequency is locked. 📻👑

One Down, Eight to Rewind 😐

Week 1 is in the books. The baskets remain (allegedly) stolen. The scrap dealer remains (narratively) undefeated. But sixteen players showed up, threw plastic in the rain, and logged their scores like it mattered—because in this league, it does. Miss a round and you're marked "Rewound," your spot claimed by someone who bothered to set an alarm. The Blockbuster card tracks your status. The weak are ejected. The strong? They show up on time. Next week: Hole Five Lockdown, aka "The Nightclub Putting Heist." If that doesn't sound ominous, you haven't been paying attention. The static builds. The tape keeps spinning. And I'm still here, narrating your chaos from inside this digital fog machine. See you at the creek. 🎬🌀