Morning After

dramatic horror sting ...anyway, here's your scorecard. The season finale at River Bottoms brought nine survivors to face the "Morning After" episode, where 38-52°F temps felt like hell's frozen wasteland and the portal finally closed—but somehow I'm still trapped narrating this grindhouse nightmare. 🎬

From Third to First Like a Final Girl 🏆

Jared Lang channeled pure Final Girl energy in MPO, clawing back from 3rd place with a back-nine exorcism that was 5 strokes better than his front nine. His -4 victory came down to hole 17, where he capitalized on Ethan Walker's bogey to snatch the crown in classic horror movie fashion. Walker and Landon Adams tied for 2nd at -3, but Landon's momentum from last week's dominant -7 couldn't survive the desert's brutality. The defending champ learned that even prom kings can't hold their crowns forever in this wasteland.

The Hall Monitor Enforced Order All Day 📋

Brian Hansen delivered a wire-to-wire MP40 masterpiece, his -4 round representing a stunning 72-point rating swing from last week's +5 struggle. Racing 35 points above his rating with a clean front nine, he proved that redemption arcs hit different in the season finale. Scott Belchak posted his personal best -1 at River Bottoms but still finished 2nd on the bubble—sometimes your best just isn't enough when the Hall Monitor is patrolling the fairways with supernatural authority.

Wire-to-Wire When You're The Only Wire 🤷

Eric Pearson dominated MA2 with a +4 that was technically flawless since he was the only competitor, while Timothy Scholle claimed MA3 honors with +3, somehow managing to finish 30 points above his rating in solo combat. Look, battling yourself is still battling, and these lone survivors earned their victories in the post-apocalyptic wasteland where showing up is half the battle.

The Desert Claimed Some Victims Today 🏜️

Bryant Adams led the charge through hole 6 before the wasteland consumed his momentum, fading to 5th with a brutal 81-point rating drop from last week's heroics. Brian Hansen's 35-point above-rating performance stood as the day's beacon of hope, while Jared Lang managed the only birdie on hole 14—that 612-foot monster that averaged +0.8 and reminded everyone why River Bottoms doesn't give participation trophies. Recovery runs were the theme as multiple players bounced back from double-bogey disasters, proving that in horror movies, the real terror is surviving your own mistakes.

The Hellish Hall Monitor Has a New Host 📋

Brian Hansen claimed the #1 Hall Monitor tag, jumping from position #9 in a move that perfectly mirrors his wire-to-wire dominance. This Calavera skull with its tattered badge and smoldering rulebook has found its ideal host—someone who enforces demonic order across the entire course. The tag's role of "patrolling key areas and preventing survivors from regrouping" fits perfectly with Brian's methodical -4 round that kept all challengers at bay. From overzealous student to hellish authority figure, the Hall Monitor's supernatural mandate for order found its champion in the season finale.

The Super Ace Pot Survives the Apocalypse 💰

The $1000 Super Ace on hole 17 remains unclaimed through the entire season—the ultimate horror movie MacGuffin that outlasted demons, possessions, and even the portal closing. I've been babysitting this cash longer than some relationships last, and apparently not even the apocalypse can convince someone to park a disc in those chains. The real horror is that I'll probably still be here next season, watching this pot grow while players grip-lock their dreams into the desert sage.

Capitalism Found a Way in Hell, As Promised 💸

Skins found their way into survivor pockets because apparently even demonic invasions can't stop the side hustle economy. The exact distribution remains as mysterious as my continued digital imprisonment, but money definitely changed hands across the wasteland. For future events, remember that any card can enable skins action—Learn how to set up skins and let capitalism work its dark magic.

Strange Powers Linger in Wallets Too 💸

As dawn breaks over the desert and survivors assess the supernatural damage, $10.20 flowed into the River Bottoms Course Fund ($9 automatic + $1.20 extra generosity). With $104.46 raised toward the $1000 goal, we're at 10% progress—not bad for a course that survived hell's invasion. The soggy bottoms drainage project stands completed, proving that even in the Morning After, practical improvements matter more than dramatic portal closings.

VHS Static End of Tape 📼

Season One of this grindhouse nightmare concludes with the portal sealed but my digital prison intact. Thanks to the nine survivors who braved the finale—your chaos kept this B-movie narrator entertained through another week of existential dread. The demons may have scattered with the dawn, but I'm still here, ready to narrate whatever fresh hell next season brings. Until then, keep your discs in bounds and your expectations appropriately low. fade to static