HOA Showdown

dramatic horror sting glitches into a synthesized saxophone riff

Right. Week 8. The penultimate episode of Uncle Chuck's suburban disc golf revolution. Five players showed up to Valley Regional Park under 44°F cloudy skies—minimal wind, maximum emotional stakes—because this was supposed to be the week Chuck and Margaret Thornbury settled thirty years of grudges on the course. Spoiler: they did. There were tears. The cart smoked. I'm still processing the spectacle from inside this VHS-corrupted digital prison, but at least the players brought drama.

The HOA President Touched Chains Again 😭

Week 8 at Valley Regional Park Disc Golf Course. Five competitors. 44°F cloudy conditions with wind averaging just 1.5 mph—practically serene by valley standards. This is Episode 8 of the Uncle Chuck saga: "HOA Showdown," the emotional climax where Chuck finally confronts Margaret Thornbury, the HOA president who banned disc golf after a devastating 1987 loss. The plan: one round, just the two of them, to settle what happened three decades ago. If Chuck wins, Margaret drops the violations and attends the championship. If she wins, the backyard baskets come down. The round ends with Margaret's first birdie in thirty years. She's crying. Chuck's crying. The cart is smoking. The league players who showed up to witness this spectacle got a front-row seat to redemption, forgiveness, and the kind of catharsis you can't fake with duct tape and snacks. Also, they played disc golf. Let's talk about that.

Cart Commander Remembers How Carts Work 🚗

Brian Hansen piloted the RPA division with the kind of wire-to-wire dominance that suggests he remembered how to steer after last week's struggles. His -9 (981-rated) round wasn't just the division win—it was the event win, a 45-point surge over his 936 baseline that proved the Cart Commander tag isn't just ceremonial. Brian led from hole 1 and never looked back, though Fernando Cortez briefly tied him through hole 8 before fading to 4th place. Brian's hot streak came during holes 9-13, where he went -4 and built an insurmountable cushion. He also claimed six sole birdies across the field (holes 5, 8, 10, 11, 13, 17, and 18), meaning nobody else in the event could match his lines on those holes. The cart never broke down. The authority remains intact. The duct tape holds for one more week. 🛞

Someone Finally Beat Tyler Romney 👑

Tyler Romney dominated Week 7 with a -4 (957-rated) performance that looked like the start of a championship run. Week 8? Anthony Kai had other plans. Anthony posted a -5 (928-rated) round that was 52 points above his rating—a new personal best that dethroned Tyler and claimed the RAD division crown. Anthony led wire-to-wire after birdieing hole 1, and his sole birdies on holes 4 and 16 proved nobody else in the division could keep pace. He closed clean on the back nine, navigating Valley Regional's weedy back stretch with the kind of course management that Chuck's backyard basket drills were designed to build. Tyler followed with a -3 (901-rated) round, anchored by a strong holes 9-12 stretch where he went -4, but it wasn't enough to catch Anthony's surge. The Week 7 champion got dethroned. The Week 8 champion earned it. 🏆

The Only Person Who Could Beat Rob Was Rob 🏅

Rob Hansen was the sole RAF competitor, which means his +7 (767-rated) round was simultaneously a wire-to-wire victory and a 77-point drop below his rating baseline. The math works. The logic doesn't. Rob's round was front-nine-heavy—he scored nine strokes better on holes 1-9 than on the back stretch—and he strung together a six-hole par train (holes 12-17) that kept the damage contained. His clutch birdie on hole 18 "secured" the win in the most technically accurate and existentially meaningless way possible. The only competition was the course, and the course won on points. But Rob still threw a birdie to close, which counts for something. Probably dignity. 🎯

Two Hansens, Two Very Different Stories 👥

Event-wide patterns: Brian Hansen posted a +45 rating differential with his -9 dominance, while Rob Hansen posted a -77 rating differential with his +7 struggle. Presumably related. Definitely divergent. Brian claimed six sole birdies across the field (holes 5, 8, 10, 11, 13, 17, 18), and Anthony Kai added two sole birdies (holes 4 and 16), meaning eight holes saw exactly one player park the approach or drain the putt while everyone else settled for par or worse. Fernando Cortez led early in RPA, tied with Brian through hole 8, then faded to 4th as the round wore on—a lead-then-fade arc that's becoming a familiar pattern. And because nobody tracked PDGA Live stats this week, I'm stuck narrating scoring without the juicy approach percentages, scramble rates, or C1X putting data that would make this recap actually interesting. Track your throws. Give me ammunition. I'm begging you. 📊

The Cart Never Stopped Smoking 🚗

Brian Hansen holds the Cart Commander tag (#1), and this week he defended it the old-fashioned way: by playing dominant disc golf and not giving anyone a chance to challenge. His -9 (981-rated) round wasn't just a division win—it was a statement that the authority earned through calm competence during cart breakdowns and HOA inspections isn't going anywhere. The Cart Commander tag was forged during Chuck's infamous second-week carpool chaos, when veteran players naturally organized the overcrowded cart and began mentoring newcomers while subtly steering Chuck's wildest ideas toward workable strategies. Brian embodies that role: the weathered grip of someone who's repaired countless homemade baskets, the patient tone of someone who's explained Chuck's "putting homework" dozens of times, the unhurried confidence of someone who knows the cart will eventually get there. This week, the cart got there. The tag stays put. The motor oil and snack residue aesthetic remains intact. One week left. 🛞

Chuck Was Only Supposed to Stay a Week 💔

Week 9 is the Valley Championship. Episode 9: the season finale where every player Chuck coached, every backyard basket builder, every snack-fueled practice survivor gathers for the championship round. Margaret Thornbury might throw in the final group. Chuck's ridiculous forehand might make one legendary appearance on hole 18. The cart will definitely backfire in celebration. This was supposed to be a one-week babysitting gig—watch the niece's house, maybe hit the course once, leave before the HOA notices. Instead, Chuck stayed for nine weeks, turned a scattered league into a championship contender, reconciled with the rival who haunted him for thirty years, and proved that family isn't about following rules—it's about breaking them together, preferably while the HOA president watches in horror and then joins the team. The duct tape holds for one more episode. The homemade trophy is already under construction. Chuck's not going anywhere. He's home. 🏠