Backyard Baskets

Three Wise Golfers, One Smoking Cart

Clears throat and checks notes scrawled on a soggy permission slip.

Christmas Day. Valley Regional Park. Rain falling at 51°F while 13 mph wind howled through the Islands layout like nature's own HOA violation. Only three players showed up for Uncle Chuck's "Backyard Baskets" episode—either the most dedicated disc golfers in Utah or the ones who desperately needed an excuse to escape family obligations. Brian Hansen went wire-to-wire at -2, the only player to break par in conditions that made even the course's manicured front nine look like a soggy battlefield. The Islands layout added creative out-of-bounds rules to weather that was already testing everyone's commitment to this sport. This was the toughest conditions of the season, a far cry from Week 3's putting homework success. 🎄

Last Week's Heroes Meet the Rain Gods

Brian Hansen claimed first place with a -2 finish (961 rated), never relinquishing the lead after sharing it with Malachi Vazquez on hole 1. His +25 rating differential over his 936 baseline represents genuine redemption after Week 3's collapse—someone remembered that the homework on those homemade baskets actually works. Houston Turner and Malachi Vazquez tied for second at +2 (917 rated), but the story was their dramatic fall from grace. Houston went from Week 3's -6 hero (984 rated) to struggling through bogeys on holes 4 and 10 that killed his momentum every time he seized a lead. Malachi's front nine was 8 strokes better than his back—a complete reversal of his typical strong finishes. The Week 3 putting stations produced results, just not for everyone. Brian shot +6.3 over his personal average but still climbed from 3rd to 1st. Houston dropped 67 rating points. Malachi fell 55. The rain gods chose their sacrifice, and it wasn't the Cart Commander. ☔

When Islands Become Actual Islands

The "Islands" layout name became uncomfortably literal when rain turned the creative OB rules into survival challenges. Hole 9 (Par 3, 287ft) played +1.0 average across the field—the course's teeth showed, and they were sharp. Houston's birdie on hole 9 was the sole under-par score on the toughest hole of the day, proving that even in a rating collapse, moments of brilliance survive. Multiple holes saw only one birdie across the entire three-player field. Brian posted sole birdies on holes 6 and 18. Malachi grabbed sole birdies on 10 and 17. Scoring was scarce, and every stroke carried weight in a field this small. Rating performances tell the weather story: Brian shot +25 over his rating (the only player to exceed expectations), Houston shot +24 over rating (technically still strong despite the +2 score), and Malachi shot -44 below his 961 rating—the conditions hit the highest-rated player hardest. The flat terrain at Valley Regional offered no shelter from the wind, and the back nine's open fairways became wind tunnels. 💨

The Leather Jacket Still Fits 🧥

Brian Hansen reclaimed the Cart Commander tag (#3 → #1), and the prophecy about "authority earned through competence" took exactly one week to rebuild. Week 3's -24 implosion looked like Chuck's chaos had finally assimilated him into permanent mediocrity, but this week he showed up—the disc golf equivalent of an 80s action hero dusting off the leather jacket and remembering he's still got the goods. The tag's faint scent of motor oil and snack residue now mingles with rain-soaked determination. Brian's +25 rating differential proves the duct tape repairs hold under pressure. The Cart Commander carries the weathered grip of someone who's repaired countless homemade baskets and steadied wobbling cart wheels, and those hands guided him through the Islands layout with calm competence. His back nine was 4 strokes better than his front—caught fire when it mattered, just like the tag's lore promises. The calm center that allows Chuck's revolution to continue rolling forward? Brian found it somewhere between hole 10 and the finish, and it was enough. 🎯

Even Chuck's Forehand Stayed Home

No CTP winners. No aces. No super aces. The conditions weren't exactly ace-friendly when 13 mph wind turned every approach shot into a negotiation with physics. The Islands layout may have discouraged aggressive lines, or maybe everyone was just focused on surviving par. Chuck's legendary forehand—the one that supposedly ended careers in the late 80s—wisely stayed home on Christmas Day. Even mythical disc golf weapons respect the rain gods.

The Cooler Had More Action 🧊

No skins drama to report from the three-player field, which means Chuck's snack cooler saw more action than the skins game. If you want to add stakes to your Christmas Day suffering next time, learn how to set up skins—because apparently escaping family obligations and battling 51°F rain isn't enough chaos for some people.

The Revolution Continues, Soggy But Unbroken

The "Backyard Baskets" episode promised duct tape consumption tripling and HOA violations multiplying, and the Christmas Day rain may have washed away evidence, but the putting revolution survives in suburban backyards across the valley. Margaret Thornbury's case file grows heavier—she's watching Chuck install baskets and recognizing something in his throwing motion, something she hasn't seen in twenty years. This week's small field and harsh conditions feel like the calm before the HOA storm. All three players contributed $3.00 to the Valley Course Fund (automatic $1/player contributions), pushing the total to $215.80 of the $1,000 goal—22% funded and climbing thanks to players dedicated enough to show up on Christmas. 🏗️

Next Week: Snacks vs. Bylaws

Week 5 brings "Valley Violation"—the HOA emergency meeting where Chuck will attend in his bowling shirt, armed with snacks and inexplicable confidence. Margaret's challenge to "settle this on the course" looms. The standings implications are real: Brian reclaimed the Cart Commander tag, but the season is only halfway done. Houston and Malachi have four weeks to recover from their rain-soaked collapse. The neighborhood isn't ready for what's coming. Neither is Margaret. Neither, frankly, is Chuck. But that smoking beater cart will show up anyway, probably backfiring three times in the parking lot, because that's what it does. ⚠️