Elevate Disguise

Hoodie Upgrade, Cover Blown 👽

Week Four. December 27th. Eight players. Creekside Park. The forecast reported 0.0°F—a temperature reading so suspiciously impossible it suggests government meteorologists have stopped trying—while actual conditions ranged from 27.5°F to 36.9°F. The "Elevate Disguise" episode promised mid-pack anonymity: E.T. Tanaka would blend into the doubles event with upgraded gear, maybe a fitted hoodie, perhaps sunglasses that actually stayed on. Instead, two players absolutely torched the course record by a combined eight strokes, and somewhere in the parking lot, a white van full of binocular-wielding agents just added "impossible disc golf performance" to their classified files. So much for staying incognito.

When Second Place Also Breaks Records

Malachi Vazquez threw a bogey-free -10 round rated 975—shattering the previous Creekside course record by five strokes—and it still somehow feels like underselling it. Wire-to-wire dominance after seizing the lead on hole five and never looking back. Personal best. Clean card. The kind of round that makes you wonder if the cosmic calculation the Moonlit Ascent tag keeps whispering about finally landed. Meanwhile, Brian Hansen posted a -7 (932-rated) that also broke the old course record but only earned second place, which is the disc golf equivalent of solving a Rubik's cube in thirty seconds and losing to someone who did it in twenty. Hansen jumped +36 rating points from last week's -4, running three strokes better and finally finding the consistency that eluded him in Week 3. The lead changed hands multiple times early—three-way tie after hole one, Hansen briefly ahead after hole nine—but Malachi's back nine was surgical. Casey Turner had a rougher night: -4 (890-rated), down three strokes and 48 rating points from last week's clean -7. Houston Turner improved to -4 with a +21 rating swing, climbing two strokes from Week 3's -2. The RPA division delivered twin Trailblazer achievements and left the cedars filing formal complaints. 🔥

Welcome to the 80s, Recruits 📼

Jonah Milner (-5, 904-rated) took the lead on hole one, lost it twice to Skyler Kunz after holes three and six, then reclaimed it after hole fifteen when Kunz stumbled—wire-to-wire with detours, the kind of lead defense that requires constant vigilance. Nathan Bohman (-4, 890-rated) caught fire on the back nine, shooting four strokes better than his front to climb from third to second, the inverse of his opening performance but exactly the momentum surge that wins podium spots. Skyler Kunz (-2, 862-rated, personal best) posted a clean front nine but that hole fifteen disaster cost the lead—though a birdie bounce-back on sixteen showed resilience worth noting. Both Milner and Bohman earned "Series Competitor" achievements tonight, officially joining the Back to the Chains 80s action cinema universe where every round is a VHS-worthy showdown. Welcome to the league, recruits. The neon-lit scoreboard is permanent. 🎬

Personal Best in a Private Showing

Jon White (-5, 904-rated) ran a wire-to-wire victory in the RAE division as its sole competitor—the kind of lonely dominance that still demands respect when you post +21 over your 883 rating. Personal best for the course and layout. No lead changes because there was no one to change leads with, but White treated the round like a private screening and delivered a career performance anyway. Sometimes the cleanest victories are the quietest ones, and shooting five under par in near-freezing temperatures while the rest of the field battles in other divisions is its own kind of excellence. The audience of one still brought the house down. 🎭

The Night Everyone Remembered Their Lines

Three personal bests in a single week: Skyler Kunz, Jon White, and Malachi Vazquez all delivered career performances at Creekside, which suggests either the course difficulty settings got accidentally turned down or the entire field remembered their blocking and hit their marks. Six players posted clean back nines—no bogeys in the final stretch, the kind of statistical clustering that makes you wonder if someone spiked the water cooler with focus. Malachi's sole birdie on hole seventeen (415ft par 3, field average -0.1) was the only red number on a hole that typically plays like a gatekeeper. Jonah Milner's sole birdie on hole one (398ft par 3) set the tone for his RAD division win. Jon White's +21 over rating was the biggest positive swing of the night; Casey Turner's -40 under rating was the biggest drop. Nathan Bohman's front nine was four strokes worse than his back—the inverse of his final surge that still landed him second. The script called for excellence, and the cast delivered. 📈

Boring Excellence Wins Tag Wars 🥱️

Malachi Vazquez reclaims the #1 Moonlit Ascent tag after posting a +14 over rating performance that moved him from slot two to slot one—the kind of methodical dominance that makes cosmic calculations look like simple arithmetic. The tag's lore: forged in the moment E.T. threaded the impossible cedar gap, his disc glowing with the accumulated energy of one hundred seven previous tree impacts, sinking into the jury-rigged basket-antenna to call home. This week's tag history notes "boring excellence" as the defining trait—consistency beats drama, and Malachi's bogey-free -10 proves that the real victory isn't the explosion but the methodical professional who shows up every week and does the job right. The tag's properties: amber glow clinging to perfect flight paths, the scent of ozone and damp earth, whispers of geometry that thread gaps no one else can see. The Moonlit Ascent guides those who wield it toward throws that transcend mere accuracy, becoming acts of communication with the landscape itself. Malachi heard the whispers, threw the lines, and reclaimed the throne without fanfare. The cosmic realignment is complete. ✨

The Disguise Worked on the Baskets Too

No CTP, Ace, or Super Ace winners this week. The chains stayed silent. The metal refused to sing. The ace pot lives to grow another week, and perhaps the "Elevate Disguise" episode's promised anonymity extended to the baskets themselves—E.T.'s upgraded hoodie apparently convinced the MVP Black Hole Portals that nothing noteworthy was happening. The government agents in the parking lot might have noticed the course records, but the chains? Completely oblivious. 🤫

Hole 14 Paid the Rent 💰

One skins card, five players, $22.50 exchanged. Malachi Vazquez dominated with twelve skins for $15.00, including an eight-skin carryover scoop on hole fourteen that paid the rent, covered utilities, and probably bought groceries. Brian Hansen collected four skins for $5.00. Houston Turner grabbed one skin for $1.25. Brian opened on hole three with a birdie for three skins, then seven holes of tension built as the carryover accumulated—par after par, push after push, the pot growing like compound interest. Malachi scooped the carryover on fourteen, took three more on seventeen with a birdie, and walked away with the lion's share. Brian closed on eighteen with a birdie for one final skin. The skins card had a main character, and his name was Vazquez. Remember: any card can enable skins for your group—learn how to set up skins and add weekly cash drama to your rounds.

Course Records Are Hard to Hide

Week Four of Nine—"Elevate Disguise" promised E.T. Tanaka would blend into the mid-season doubles event with upgraded gear and a lower profile. Instead, two course records got shattered, the cedars filed noise complaints, and the white van full of government agents in the parking lot definitely added "impossible disc golf anomalies" to their surveillance reports. Dr. Keys warned that her superiors have "other plans"—after tonight's twin Trailblazer performances, those plans probably involve more handheld scanners and fewer polite questions. The Creekside Course Fund received $8.60 this event ($8.00 automatic at $1/player, $0.60 in additional contributions, nine total donations), pushing the total to $3,135.19 of a $1,000 goal—100%+ complete! The OB stakes project between holes 7 and 8 fairways is DONE, permanently installed, and ready to punish errant throws for generations. The community built something real here: course improvements that outlast any single season, any single score, any single government investigation. Got ideas for the next project? The course is listening. 🏗️

Next Week: Suits With Scanners

Five weeks remain. The "Officials Prowl" episode is next—government presence intensifies, unmarked vans line the parking lot, men in suits walk the course with handheld devices scanning for electromagnetic anomalies. After tonight's twin course records and impossible performances, the scrutiny will be unavoidable. The pro shop owner will need to "accidentally" lock some bathrooms. Veteran players will need to position themselves between E.T. and the observers. The community will need to close ranks. Creekside protects its own, even when the cedars can't. Same time next week, more binoculars, and probably a few more awkward questions about exchange students who throw discs with three-finger grips. 🕵️