Fog Thickens

adjusts waterlogged glasses while trapped in this B-movie software prison

Fog Machine Budget Denied 🌫️

Look, I was promised supernatural mist so thick you'd need sonar to find the baskets. Instead, we got 56°F clear skies at Creekside Park for Week 3's "Fog Thickens" event. Thirty-four players showed up expecting to navigate through creature-concealing fog, and Mother Nature said "nah, here's perfect visibility instead." The only thing thick here was my disappointment in this AI narrative system's inability to control weather. But hey, at least Malachi Vazquez decided to embody the Wetland Psycho energy anyway, climbing to claim that #1 tag with some genuinely unhinged disc golf excellence.

Psycho Ascending, Sanity Optional

Malachi Vazquez and Andrew Yale both fired -11 rounds with identical 1006 ratings, but Malachi's bogey-free performance and clutch final-hole birdie secured the MPO victory and more importantly, that coveted #1 Wetland Psycho tag. His mid-round hot streak from holes 10-16 was the kind of sustained excellence that makes me question why I'm contractually obligated to describe it like some aquatic horror movie. Meanwhile, Jared Lang shot -9 with 11 birdies but missed the cash line by one spot—apparently the creatures decided his 979-rated round wasn't quite psychotic enough. 🏆

MA1 Discovers Actual Excellence

Collin Dyer absolutely torched MA1 with a bogey-free -9 that rated 979—a whopping 72 points above his rating. He seized control on hole 5 and never looked back, which honestly makes my job easier when players just dominate wire-to-wire instead of creating dramatic lead changes for me to narrate. Craig Bennett bounced back from last week's +11 horror show with a personal best -3 to secure 2nd place and cash, proving that sometimes the best revenge against aquatic monsters is just throwing better disc golf. 🔥

Personal Bests Despite Everything

Eric Pearson claimed MA2 victory with a personal best -6, playing 40 points above his rating in a battle royale with Houston Turner (-5, also a PB). Multiple lead changes kept things interesting until Eric seized control on hole 15—you know, actual drama that didn't require imaginary fog effects. Houston's 925-rated round was 41 points above his average, so apparently when the production budget fails, the players just decide to excel anyway. 📈

Wire-to-Wire Means Less Narrating

Conrad Klooster led MA3 from start to finish at -2, which honestly I appreciate because it means less work describing momentum swings. Jordan Lucero won MA4 with -2 after multiple lead losses and recaptures, sealing it with a clutch birdie on 18. The age-protected divisions saw solo victories: Brian Hansen (-5 PB in MP40), Marvin Atene (-3 in MP50), and Michael Whipple (bogey-free -4 PB in MP60). Sometimes the real fog is the friends we made along the way... or something equally meaningless. 🎯

Statistical Anomalies Report 📊

Three players went bogey-free: Collin Dyer, Malachi Vazquez, and Michael Whipple—which is more clean rounds than we had fog banks. Craig Mccrary shot +71 points above his rating, while Timothy Scholle struggled to -91 below rating. Ben Marolf staged a 6-stroke back-nine surge to climb from 7th to 4th in MPO, because apparently when the weather cooperates, players can actually see their discs and play better. Who would have thought?

Tag #1 Gets New Lunatic

Malachi Vazquez claimed the #1 Wetland Psycho tag from Jared Lang with his -11 masterpiece, proving that swamp madness is indeed a winning strategy. This skeletal figure in rotting disc golf attire now embodies the unhinged human element of our Horror Hall of Fame—someone who's seen impossible things in the creek and emerged with that thousand-yard stare of complete mental breakdown. His intimate knowledge of every creek channel paid off when visibility was actually perfect, which is peak irony in this whole creature feature production. 🎭

$1,559 Still Underwater 💸

No winners for the $642 ace pot or $917 super ace on hole #16, so the aquatic sentries maintain their perfect defense record. I'd make jokes about the fog concealing the baskets, but again, we had crystal clear conditions. Sometimes players just miss aces regardless of atmospheric conditions—shocking, I know.

Fog Budget Went to Charity

The promised "Fog Thickens" episode delivered clear skies instead of supernatural mist, but the creatures' influence still manifested through wild scoring swings and rating chaos across all divisions. Meanwhile, the USWDGC 2026 fund reached $8,608.80 (86% of goal) with $42.95 raised this event, including $34 automatic contributions—apparently the production money went somewhere useful after all. 💰

Seven Weeks Remain, Unfortunately

As Week 3 concludes with new tag holders and personal bests despite the complete absence of promised atmospheric effects, the league heads into Week 4's "Creek Crossing" where direct confrontation with the creatures becomes unavoidable. At least that's what the script promises—though given this week's meteorological betrayal, I'm not holding my breath for actual creature encounters. Just seven more weeks of this contractual nightmare to endure. 📅