The House Calls Your Bluff 🃏

adjusts headset, glances over both shoulders for Channel Things Ten players, 64.6°F, clouds thick enough to hide whatever's listening. Welcome to the Cottonwood Call at River Bottoms — Week 5, where Wild Card holes count double and the House is dealing from a marked deck. The supernatural poker tournament kept the stakes simple this time: show up, survive the double-stakes holes, or get folded into the dust. The mild 5.1 mph wind was the only thing that didn't lie this week. Let's see who called correctly.

RPA: Where Ratings Go to Die 🪦

Philip Romney walked away with the RPA win at -7, but let's not pretend that 996 rating — one point above his 995 — was anything other than the Dust Doctor breathing through a back-nine surge while the course yawned. The real story? Nicholas Jennings shot a staggering 976-rated round, an 80-point jump above his rating that should concern every other player in this division. The man was possessed — maybe literally, given the Blood Moon overhead. Meanwhile, Scott Belchak, Eric Pearson, and Chris Norman all settled into a three-way tie at +2 for third, sharing the same score like they were splitting a bottle of cheap whiskey. checking PDGA stats The ratings bell curve took a hatchet to this group, and only Jennings walked away with his scalp intact.

Two Winners, Zero Clear Answers 🔗

Over in RAD, Brodie Duncan and Jonathan Lang deadlocked at -1, both posting personal-best 937-rated rounds. Brodie improved six strokes from last week's 867-rated survival mission — a 70-point rating swing that suggests he either fixed his mechanics or made a deal with something that lives in the tall grass. Lang matched him stroke for stroke, offering no clarity, no hierarchy, just two players refusing to lose. Craig Bennett held third at even par, steady as a hired gun who knows his role. Kent Moos and Taylor Thilo? They found the bottom of the barrel — Moos 31 points below rating, Thilo cratering 47 points under. The House collected those souls without breaking a sweat.

Hole 11 Broke Everybody Except One 🏔️

Speaking of the House flexing: Hole 11 played to a +0.7 average in Pool A, chewing up the field like a hungry river crossing. Only one player carded a birdie there — Nicholas Jennings, who seems to have memorized the House's tells. His +80 rating differential led the event, followed by Jonathan Lang's +43. Taylor Thilo's -47 differential was the kind of night that makes you question why you bought into the ace pot. The Wild Card holes doubled the damage, and Thilo took it twice.

$3,402 of Pure False Hope 💰

The Super Ace Pot climbed to $3,402.00 this week — ten contributors adding $20 each to a pile that's starting to look like a ransom. Nobody hit it. Again. The suspense is starting to feel less like a thriller and more like a long con. But hey, keep buying in. The House appreciates your optimism.

Hole 7 Carryover Worth More Than Your Soul 🃏

Nicholas Jennings ran the skins table like he'd stolen the dealer's deck, hauling in $10.00 total — including a dramatic 7-skin carryover scoop on Hole 7 worth $8.75. That's more than some players made all night. Chris Norman pocketed $7.50, Kent Moos took $5.25, and $36.00 changed hands across two skins cards. The skins playbook keeps delivering theater even when the main event feels like a slow roll.

Dust Doctor Barely Escapes With His Life 💉

Philip Romney defended the Dust Doctor #1 tag with a 996-rated round that was statistically indistinguishable from breathing. A +1 differential in a Wild Card week isn't a hostile takeover; it's the whiskey talking, and the House just shrugged. The tag's weathered duster and permanent-shadow Stetson stay on his shoulders, but barely. Over in Pool B, Caleb Wetzel learned the Deadlands' first law: miss a week, hit the bottom. Demoted by absence, the Rotten Theorem now sits at the back of the line. The frontier doesn't bluff — it possesses, isolates, and drops absentees into the dust.

Four Weeks Left, Your Souls Are Still Mine 🎯

Week 5's Wild Card format tested who could handle double stakes and who folded under the pressure. The answer, as usual, was messy: Jennings rose from the ratings grave, Romney survived by a single point, and the bottom half got buried by possessed holes and absent rivals. Next week brings another Wild Card challenge — more double-stakes holes, more opportunities for the House to collect. The Cottonwood Call continues, and the culling gets closer. tips digital hat See you at the table, partners. Try not to get buried.