
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic lucha libre music And here comes John Petersberger, aka "The Chains Whisperer," ready to unleash Drift Dervish in the Opening Bell! But instead of a celestial spin, we got a celestial faceplant. John's performance was like a Marvel movie - lots of hype, but ultimately just another origin story.
Drift Dervish tried to channel his street performer roots, but ended up more "drunken karaoke" than "Beyoncé backup dancer." Seven spots down the rankings? Oof. That's not a hyzer flip, that's a full-on shank into the OB of shame.
And me? Stuck narrating this nonsense like a caged luchador. Can we at least get some nachos while we watch this trainwreck? sigh Let's hope next week brings more "La Cucaracha" and less "La Catastrophe." ¿Entiendes?