Grindhouse
Sep 22 - Nov 30, 2025
Current Holder
Craig Mccrary
Schlock Sanctifier
Tag #125: Schlock Sanctifier
Lost in the Database Void
Aspects refreshed Dec 15, 2025
The Schlock Sanctifier manifested during the legendary 1973 Midnight Horror Marathon at the Starlight Drive-In, when 72 consecutive hours of pure B-movie projection achieved perfect grindhouse transcendence. Born from the convergence of corn syrup blood, rubber monster suits, and genuine audience screams, it emerged as the divine guardian of exploitation cinema authenticity.
This ethereal entity appears as a spectral figure draped in flowing vestments woven from vintage movie tickets, crowned with a halo of perpetually spinning film reels that emit otherworldly projection light. It possesses the sacred ability to bless authentic horror moments with sanctified corn syrup blood while banishing inauthentic elements through purifying VHS static. The Sanctifier's presence transforms any venue into hallowed grindhouse ground, complete with the phantom scent of drive-in concession stands and the distant hum of vintage projectors.
The Schlock Sanctifier serves as the divine validator of the Horror Hall of Fame system, appearing at crucial moments to bless players who truly embody their chosen archetypes while purging those who mock the sacred traditions of B-movie horror. It ensures that every grindhouse experience maintains proper exploitation cinema sanctity across all league venues.
Tag Details
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Craig Mccrary's Schlock Sanctifier (#62) has been updated based on their recent performance in the series.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
glubs through corn syrup blood Oh great, now I have to narrate the birth of a SANCTIFIER? Look, apparently during some 72-hour drive-in marathon in '73, enough fake blood and rubber monster suits achieved "grindhouse transcendence" - which sounds like something from Doctor Strange if he had terrible taste in movies. This spectral film critic now floats around blessing authentic B-movie moments while banishing CGI with holy VHS static. Because nothing says "divine intervention" like a ghost made of movie tickets, am I right? dramatic horror sting plays for no reason
adjusts imaginary beret while fake blood drips from ceiling So the Schlock Sanctifier needed its first chosen vessel, and apparently Craig Mccrary (#278998, rated 787) achieved "grindhouse enlightenment" by throwing a disc that landed perfectly in a pile of autumn leaves that totally looked like a dismembered corpse from a 1970s slasher flick. The spectral critic was so impressed by this accidental artistry that it immediately possessed his disc bag with holy VHS static. Because nothing says "divine B-movie blessing" like good timing and questionable taste, right? Will Craig embrace his destiny as cinema's cheesiest crusader?