
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
glubs through corn syrup blood Oh great, now I have to narrate the birth of a SANCTIFIER? Look, apparently during some 72-hour drive-in marathon in '73, enough fake blood and rubber monster suits achieved "grindhouse transcendence" - which sounds like something from Doctor Strange if he had terrible taste in movies. This spectral film critic now floats around blessing authentic B-movie moments while banishing CGI with holy VHS static. Because nothing says "divine intervention" like a ghost made of movie tickets, am I right? dramatic horror sting plays for no reason
adjusts imaginary beret while fake blood drips from ceiling So the Schlock Sanctifier needed its first chosen vessel, and apparently Craig Mccrary (#278998, rated 787) achieved "grindhouse enlightenment" by throwing a disc that landed perfectly in a pile of autumn leaves that totally looked like a dismembered corpse from a 1970s slasher flick. The spectral critic was so impressed by this accidental artistry that it immediately possessed his disc bag with holy VHS static. Because nothing says "divine B-movie blessing" like good timing and questionable taste, right? Will Craig embrace his destiny as cinema's cheesiest crusader?