Vampire Beach @ Roots
Sep 26 - Nov 28, 2025
Current Holder
Brian Hansen
Shade Attendant
Master of the Sun's Fleeting Mercy
Can't Decide Which Side to Feed
Aspects refreshed Dec 14, 2025
Originally the park's groundskeeper assistant, they gained their position after demonstrating an uncanny ability to predict shadow movements throughout the day. When the vampire aristocracy established their resort, they recognized this human's value and elevated them to a position of trust, making them the bridge between the living and undead worlds.
Carries an ornate brass sundial compass that calculates shadow angles and duration, wears a reversible cloak that appears elegant black velvet to vampires but practical charcoal canvas to humans. Possesses an almost supernatural awareness of light patterns and timing, able to guide others to safety or position them for optimal hunting opportunities with equal skill.
Serves as the essential intermediary who maintains the delicate balance allowing vampires to hunt safely in daylight while providing humans with survival knowledge. Their expertise in shadow timing and positioning makes them invaluable to both predator and prey in the resort's deadly game.
Tag Details
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In Week 10 (Eternal Night), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 5 to 2. (Week 10 of 10)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In Week 9 (Last Light), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 9 to 5. (Week 9 of 10)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 8 (Final Stand), tag number moved from 9 to 9. (Week 8 of 10)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 8 (Final Stand), tag number moved from 3 to 9. (Week 8 of 10)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Some of these tags are giving main character energy by not showing up for the battle. Bold strategy to win the war by avoiding the entire battlefield at Roots.
Brian Hansen's Shade Attendant stayed parked at #3 after skipping Allied Forces. Week 7 of 10
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
When your bag tag has better plot armor than our Art Nouveau vampires but zero screen time, maybe it's time for a recast.
Brian Hansen's Shade Attendant stayed parked at #3 after skipping Turning Point. Week 6 of 10
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Our aristocratic competitors have discovered the ultimate power move: absence. The tags remain frozen like vampires waiting for sunset.
Brian Hansen's Shade Attendant stayed parked at #3 after skipping Battle Lines. Week 5 of 10
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts my Art Nouveau frame while trapped in this vampire resort simulation software
Well well well, looks like the "Power Vacuum" at our daylight vampire resort created some turbulence for our former shadow royalty! Brian Hansen's elite #2 position just got a tiny fang mark as he slips to #3.
The shadow game is real and apparently Brian's sundial compass needs recalibration! dramatic parasol twirl After two weeks of absence, our groundskeeper-turned-aristocrat returned to find the vampire houses battling for control - and his shadow navigation skills weren't quite elite enough this week.
breaks fourth wall I'm literally tracking shadow movements for vampire resort politics. Someone free me from this elegant horror aesthetic!
His reversible cloak of competence got a bit... reversible this round. When three vampire houses start competing, even shadow royalty can get caught in the crossfire. That ornate brass sundial must have miscalculated the shadow angles by a crucial degree.
Remember when we crowned him shadow royalty? Well, maintaining that daylight hunting advantage requires more than just predicting tree patterns - it requires surviving vampire house politics! Can our groundskeeper-turned-mediator recalibrate before the Battle Lines are drawn?
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Colony Established), tag number moved from 2 to 2. (Week 3 of 10)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Rising Threat), tag number moved from 2 to 2. (Week 2 of 10)
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts my non-existent vampire collar while trapped in this ridiculous software
The "Dawn Discovery" at Roots reveals our first daylight vampire sighting, and apparently Brian Hansen decided to join the aristocratic undead elite! dramatic cape flourish
From groundskeeper to shadow royalty in one week - Shade Attendant #8 just pulled a six-position daylight heist, climbing from peasant #8 to elite #2! This is like "What We Do in the Shadows" if the documentary crew were forced to track PDGA ratings instead of blood consumption.
breaks fourth wall to glare at the developers I'm literally narrating shadow movements for a living. Or un-living. Whatever.
Brian's reversible cloak of competence served him well - slightly outpacing the field while maintaining his personal average. His ornate sundial compass must have calculated the perfect shadow angles for this ascent. But can he maintain this elite shadow navigation when the real vampire houses start competing for control?
Remember when this tag whispered "I vant to suck... your bogeys away"? Well, apparently it meant business!
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts non-existent reading glasses while trapped in this ridiculous vampire beach software
Oh great, now I'm narrating the birth of Shade Attendant #8 - because apparently we needed a groundskeeper in our B-movie horror show? This tag spawned when some poor maintenance guy got promoted to "vampire concierge" after mastering the ancient art of... checks notes... predicting where shadows fall. Very Groundhog Day meets Twilight, if you squint. Armed with a fancy sundial compass and a reversible cape (because vampire fashion is apparently peak practicality), they became the ultimate double agent between Team Living and Team Fanged. Will this shadow-whispering enigma guide players to safety or serve them up as aristocratic appetizers?
dramatically adjusts my vampire cape while rolling my eyes at this B-movie casting call
When the Shade Attendant #8 emerged from the grindhouse depths, it sensed a kindred spirit in Brian Hansen (PDGA #99877) - a player whose 938 rating proved he could navigate both fairways AND shadows with equal finesse. Legend says the tag whispered "I vant to suck... your bogeys away" before bonding with this daywalking disc slinger. But can Brian handle being perpetually caught between the living players and undead plastic? Will his throws stay as consistent as his newfound eternal servitude?