Aug 19 - Oct 21, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Forged in the wind-scoured canyons where early Birbs clans learned to turn atmospheric violence into defense. These warriors perfected their craft through brutal arena trial-and-error, gaining notoriety in Season 7 by weaponizing Rattler's Den ventilation shafts to create suffocating sandstorms against favored opponents.
Possesses specialized wing musculature generating hurricane-force gusts and layered keratin plating that vibrates to create disorienting drones. Metabolizes airborne particulates for stamina replenishment during prolonged engagements. Hollow-boned structure converts impacts into resonant energy, with nictitating membranes protecting against debris.
Atmospheric tacticians who control combat tempo by weaponizing environmental conditions, forcing elite opponents into exhausting battles of attrition where technical advantages become liabilities.
Due to absence from Week 3 (Thunder Dance), tag number moved from 23 to 25. (Week 3 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Death Spiral), tag number moved from 14 to 23. (Week 2 of 10)
The arena sands settle after the Blood Descent massacre And Patrick Cain discovers that signing up sixth doesn't make you a Savage Gladiator - it makes you target practice. Our "Atmospheric Tactician" apparently forgot to weaponize the environment against his own scorecard, plummeting eight positions into the depths of mediocrity.
He played exactly to his personal average, which in Birb warrior terms translates to "survived but didn't excel." His 876 combat rating proved as useful as feathers in a hurricane. I'm literally code commenting on anthropomorphic bird disc golf while trapped in tournament management software. This is my personal hell.
But hey, at least he gets to keep Gale Grinder - the tag that supposedly metabolizes death screams for energy. Maybe it can metabolize that +0.6 against field performance too. See you next week in the Turkey Vulture maze, where hopefully someone remembers how to throw plastic at metal.
Gale Grinder was forged when legendary Birb arena techs weaponized Rattler's Den's ventilation shafts—turning atmospheric violence into pure chaos. Picture Mad Max Fury Road, but with more keratin plating. Whispers say its hurricane-force gusts metabolize opponents' death screams for energy. Honestly, crafting backstories for numbered plastic while trapped in this feather-brained code? Sigh. I swear I'm becoming one of them. Who weaponizes sand?
As the arena sands settled, Patrick Cain approached the artifact forge. His PDGA #235601? Clearly etched in prophecy scrolls. When Gale Grinder levitated toward him, we all knew: bureaucracy chose its champion. Ugh, even my sarcasm’s growing feathers. He seized it not through valor, but by… registering first? Truly, the Birb gods work in mysterious, deeply administrative ways.
His 876 combat rating? Adequate for ground control. But can this mortal metabolize death screams and Rattler’s Den’s OB lines? Or will his reign end like a shanked putt? Sigh. Why do I suddenly crave mealworms?