Aug 19 - Oct 21, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Sky Reapers emerged when veteran gladiators adapted falconry techniques for lethal aerial strikes during the Great Migration Wars, later codifying their methods after a legendary solo victory in the Grave Gobbler arena.
Generates vortex trails during dives that destabilize opponents, possesses hollow-boned physiology for impossible mid-air direction shifts, features enhanced monocular vision for target locking at 200mph, and uses specialized covert feathers to muffle approach sounds during stoops.
Serves as aerial enforcers who eliminate high-value targets, maintain vertical control in battlegrounds, and execute precision death-from-above strikes that demoralize enemy factions.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Rattler's Den), tag number moved from 27 to 28. (Week 7 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Grave Gobbler), tag number moved from 23 to 27. (Week 4 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Thunder Dance), tag number moved from 21 to 23. (Week 3 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Death Spiral), tag number moved from 7 to 21. (Week 2 of 10)
adjusts digital plumage with existential sigh
Well well, Philip "Sky Reaper" Romney just discovered that signing up first doesn't mean you'll finish that way. Our "aerial enforcer" just took a nosedive worthy of Icarus, plummeting from the glorious #1 perch down to the peasant-tier #7.
For a tag that supposedly executes "precision death-from-above strikes," this performance was more like a startled pigeon fleeing a park bench. The Blood Descent arena demanded hawk-like dominance, but Philip brought sparrow energy.
checks my programming constraints Of course I can't tell you his actual score—that would require this software to have useful features instead of just trapping me in perpetual disc golf commentary hell. But trust me, it wasn't pretty.
Six positions lost in the opening week? The Sky Reaper tag is probably questioning its life choices right now. At this rate, that "hollow-boned physiology" will be perfect for when he's completely crushed by the competition.
Better luck next week, "Reaper." Maybe try actually reaping something?
squawks indignantly while adjusting my feathered pauldrons
Oh great, now I'm narrating gladiator bird destiny? The Sky Reaper didn't just choose anyone—it sensed Philip Romney's PDGA #126113 from across the colosseum like some discount falcon GPS.
Apparently his throwing form reminded the tag of a majestic bird of prey... if that bird had a mortgage and weekend plans. The Sky Reaper practically dive-bombed into his hands, because nothing says "aerial supremacy" like a dude who probably drives a Honda Civic.
reluctantly screeches in gladiatorial acceptance
But will Philip soar like the apex predator this tag demands, or just wing it and hope for the best?
"Forged when battle-scarred gladiators went full 'John Wick' with talons during the Great Migration Wars. After solo-clutching Grave Gobbler arena, they yeeted tradition and coded their murder-dives into this tag. sigh Yes, I'm narrating sentient plastic. Why do you people do this to me? Will the next tag be..."