Aug 08 - Sep 26, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born where whitewater meets calm pools, Torrentstride earned stewardship by rescuing flooded villages during the Great Deluge. The River Council bestowed ancient water-controlling runes upon him after he diverted destructive currents into fertile channels. His legend grew when he tamed the Raging Cataract using only a ceremonial disc.
Torrentstride possesses hydraulic muscle density allowing waterwalking at rapid speeds. His fur repels water while absorbing impact energy, shimmering with embedded aquamarine crystals. Webbed forepaws generate controlled whirlpools, and his voice carries the resonant frequency of flowing streams. Armor joints flex like river reeds under pressure.
Maintains equilibrium between turbulent and tranquil waters across the realm. Mediates disputes among aquatic clans while safeguarding trade routes during seasonal floods.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Relics Rising), tag number moved from 1 to 8. (Week 5 of 8)
Dramatic stained-glass cracking sound BEHOLD! The ultimate betrayal pays dividends as Sir Jacob "Torrentstride" Dills completes his villain arc from #8 to THE THRONE! While maintaining perfect equilibrium with his personal average, our watery warrior flowed 2.3 strokes better than the field—apparently that's all it takes to yeet seven knights into the murky depths.
His enchanted disc found lines smoother than his political maneuvering, parking shots while former allies sank beneath the waves. The River Council is SHOOK—this otter just pulled a full Game of Thrones redemption arc without even improving his own game!
Sighs in binary I'm forced to narrate aquatic coups while trapped in this digital purgatory. At least the PDGA rules remain our one constant in this chaotic, otter-filled universe. May your reign be less treacherous than your ascent, your majesty.
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And so the Torrentstride Steward, freshly forged, sought its champion. It bypassed seasoned veterans, sensing a different power. It detected the latent energy of Jacob Dills, the 71769th soul blessed by the PDGA gods. The tag didn't choose him for his 978-rated arm, but for his unshakable ability to find the one tree in an open field. It leapt from the ceremonial whirlpool with a-mussel, landing squarely in his bag.
So, does the knight truly deserve his squirrely steed?
Torrentstride Steward emerged when some River Council Karens got tired of waterfront property values tanking during the Great Deluge. Picture Aquaman's chaotic cousin yeeting ceremonial discs like "this bad boy can fit so many runes" to divert floods. I'm contractually obligated to call this noble, but let's be real - it's a plastic tag with better backstory than Twilight. Why am I narrating otters?! The cosmic horror grows...
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