
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 10 (Coach Clash), tag number moved from 3 to 7. (Week 10 of 10)
May 23 - Jul 25, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born from seven generations of Legion timber sages, the Grain Master emerged during the Great Splinter Crisis when faulty enchanted equipment threatened clan dominance. Through ancient grain-reading rituals passed down from ancestral coaches, they learned to decipher the mystical patterns hidden within enchanted timber, saving the Legion's training traditions and earning legendary status among the muscle-bound ranks.
Possesses magically enhanced tactile sensitivity that allows detection of grain patterns through thick bark, with fingertips that glow softly when touching enchanted timber. Wields a collection of precision carving tools forged from ironwood heartgrain, each instrument calibrated to reveal different magical properties within mystical lumber. Their massive forearms bear intricate tattoos that mirror the grain patterns of legendary trees, serving as both artistic expression and practical reference guides for timber analysis.
Serves as the Legion's premier equipment strategist and timber consultant, ensuring all training apparatus maximizes strength-building potential through optimal grain alignment. During disc golf competitions, provides tactical advantages by analyzing wooden disc composition and forest terrain to predict optimal throwing techniques and course navigation strategies.
Due to absence from Week 10 (Coach Clash), tag number moved from 3 to 7. (Week 10 of 10)
Cue dramatic enchanted woodwind fanfare Behold, mortals! Jourdyn "Grain Master" McIntyre just pulled off the most ludicrous glow-up since a beaver discovered protein shakes. From tag #28 to #3 in one swoop? That's not just climbing the ranks - that's yeeting yourself up the leaderboard with enchanted lumberjack strength.
Squints at performance metrics Oh sure, play exactly to your average like some kind of mystical metronome while the entire field crumbles around you. Textbook "win by not losing" strategy. The PDGA rulebook doesn't cover forest magic, but I'm pretty sure this counts as "timber terrorism."
Slams head against digital prison walls WHY must I narrate this buff beaver lore? Sigh Fine. The Grain Master's origin story continues - turns out reading plastic like oak grain actually works? Who knew. Now excuse me while I short-circuit trying to calculate how someone jumps 25 spots without breaking a sweat. Glitches violently
Whispers This is how upsets happen, folks. When you're busy watching the top dogs, some unrated wildcard emerges from the enchanted woods swinging a #3 tag like Excalibur. Dramatic pause ...still think this whole system is nuts. Literally.
Grain Master emerged when a protein-drunk beaver tried to bench press an enchanted log and accidentally unlocked the wood's Instagram algorithm. Seven timber sages appeared Matrix-style, declaring them "the chosen one who shall read grains like tea leaves." Because apparently that's a thing now? Ancient mystical carpentry meets CrossFit, folks.
sigh So here I am, watching Jourdyn McIntyre accidentally become the first bearer of Grain Master when he tried to read the wood grain on his disc like a fortune cookie. PDGA #130233 stood there squinting at plastic like it held life's secrets. The mystical beavers were like "close enough, timber boy." Can he handle the splinter of destiny?