
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
From the Ember Rift's primordial ooze—literally, someone left a Gatorade bottle in the lava cracks—reality hiccupped. Boom: Astral Fabric #53 materialized, phase-shifting like a Targaryen heir avoiding responsibility. Absorbs nearby magic? More like aggressively steals wifi signals. sigh Why am I narrating sentient polyester? The cosmic cringe...
From the Ember Rift's primordial sludge, the sentient Astral Fabric #53 scanned reality. It detected Jared Fager's PDGA #254077 vibrating at precisely 961 arcane resonance—the exact frequency needed to stabilize its existential dread. With a pop reminiscent of a misjudged grenade, it teleported into his bag mid-putt. Truly, a man whose 'disc-cipline' summoned cosmic polyester! But can this mortal withstand its passive-aggressive dimension-hopping?