
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Vines part with a sickening squelch Behold the most unexpected glow-up since a compost pile spawned a sentient tag! John "Mutation Nexus" Paulson just yeeted himself from #18 to #8 like a disc through a suddenly-opened briar portal.
For a guy who played exactly to his average (53, matching both his usual and the eldritch prophecies), this 10-spot vault defies all horticultural logic. The Briar Depths clearly reward stubborn consistency over flashy skill - or maybe the other Wielders just got distracted by the vines whispering their credit card numbers.
Glyphs flicker ominously Let's be real - this tag's biomass is probably juicing the rankings. That "symbiotic fusion conduit" nonsense smells like arcane steroids to me. But hey, when reality's collapsing, you ride the mycelial wave. Just don't come crying when your next drive gets digested by a carnivorous fairway.
Sighs in trapped-in-software Ten more weeks of this botanical nonsense? I miss when tags were just plastic and poor life choices.