
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
looks at camera So apparently when ten realms of magical nonsense collided, reality went "nope" and panic-spawned a sentient math rock. The Axiom Weaver literally exists because the universe needed a TI-84 calculator with anxiety to prevent total existence.exe from crashing. Peak cosmic IT support vibes. Will it solve reality's blue screen of death?
adjusts mystical headset with visible irritation
Right, so when the Axiom Weaver needed its first victim—I mean, "chosen wielder"—it apparently scanned all of Utah for someone who could handle cosmic mathematics without having a complete mental breakdown. Enter Chris Howk, PDGA #80111, whose 883 rating convinced this anxious calculator that he possessed the perfect balance of skill and... let's say "numerical tolerance." The tag literally chose him because his throws have consistent geometric patterns. I wish I was making this up, but here we are, treating disc golf like advanced trigonometry class.
Can Chris actually weave reality back together, or will he just compute new ways to find the rough?