
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
flames flicker halfheartedly Behold, the Wildfire Regent's lukewarm return - Kaden Mecham claws back 3 spots to #9 after two weeks of absence, like a discount phoenix rising from a campfire.
Our 933-rated monarch played... fine? Exactly average? checks digital clipboard A scorching -0.2 vs the field but +6.5 against his own average? sigh Even the rift zones seem bored by this performance.
Three spots up is technically progress, but let's not throw a coronation party yet. This is more "found a slightly warmer rock to sit on" than "reclaimed the molten throne." glitches momentarily Ugh, even my existential dread is underwhelmed.
Remember when you surged from #10 to #3 like some disc golf deity? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Now you're just... here. The Ember Rift deserves better drama. static crackles At least try to set something on fire next week, yeah?
checks apocalyptic countdown 4 weeks until reality collapses. Maybe by then we'll get some actual fireworks.