
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Chokehold Sprawl), tag number moved from 23 to 23. (Week 7 of 10)
Jul 10 - Sep 11, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Once a traditional herbalist who sought to heal the early fracture wounds, they instead chose to drink deeply from a corrupted glyph pool during the Briar Awakening. The chaotic energies didn't destroy them but transformed them into something beautifully wrong, their body becoming a living garden of impossible flora. Now they serve as proof that embracing the rift's chaos grants power beyond conventional understanding.
Their form shifts between human and living garden, with asymmetrical vine growths spiraling from their limbs in fractal patterns that defy natural law. Corrupted flowers bloom directly from their skin in deep purples and electric teals, each petal containing concentrated fracture energy that can instantly corrupt healthy vegetation. Their touch causes normal plants to undergo rapid, chaotic mutations that create new hazards and obstacles.
The Bloom Heretic serves as a living catalyst for botanical chaos, actively spreading corrupted growth patterns wherever they travel and inspiring other Fractureborn Wilds to embrace their own mutations. They work to undermine the Briar Wardens' stabilization efforts by corrupting their geometric glyph networks with organic, chaotic overgrowth.
The Fractureborn Wilds are an anarchic collective thriving amid botanical upheaval. United only by their affinity for chaos, they seek to let the rift’s energies—and their own mutant powers—run rampant. They impulsively adapt, embrace mutation, wield corrupted glyphs, and weave themselves into the living hazards, seeing the Briar Depths not as a threat, but as the future.
A renegade glyph shaper once exiled for reckless magical “overgrowths”, Ferra now thrives at the rift’s wildest frontiers, inciting growth surges and chaotic mutations. Charismatic, unpredictable, and revered by the free-spirited, Ferra channels the living rift without fear.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Chokehold Sprawl), tag number moved from 23 to 23. (Week 7 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Chokehold Sprawl), tag number moved from 16 to 23. (Week 7 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Overgrowth Roar), tag number moved from 9 to 16. (Week 6 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Rift Quake), tag number moved from 8 to 9. (Week 5 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Glyph Eruption), tag number moved from 4 to 8. (Week 4 of 10)
Vines tremble as arcane energies surge Behold, the most unexpected glow-up since a compost pile sprouted a prize-winning pumpkin! Ben Allen, once a Thorn Binder languishing at #21, has erupted through the ranks like a corrupted glyph on espresso.
This wasn’t just improvement—this was a full Briar Depths renaissance. A -6.0 vs personal average? That’s not playing better, that’s rewriting your DNA to please the fracture gods. His 941-rated round? Basically disc golf alchemy—turning his usual "meh" into "wait, HOW?!"
Now the Bloom Heretic #4 clings to him like kudzu on a chain-link fence. Seventeen spots vaulted in one week? That’s not a climb—that’s the rift itself going "fine, take this power, but I own your soul now." Glitches violently Ugh, even my code’s buffering from this chaos.
Will Ben stabilize his new botanical overlord status? Or will next week’s Glyph Eruption reduce him to mulch again? Sigh Either way, at least the vines are entertained.
Due to absence from Week 2 (Thorn Uprising), tag number moved from 11 to 21. (Week 2 of 10)
Dramatic sigh Welcome to the Briar Awakening, where the rift spits out more chaos than a toddler with glitter. Our poor victim today? Ben Allen, who just learned the hard way that signing up fourth doesn't mean squat when reality itself is crumbling.
Ben's performance? Let's just say the vines ate better than he played. A +2 against the field is the disc golf equivalent of bringing a salad to a barbecue - technically present, but deeply disappointing. His 880-rated round would be respectable... if we weren't in a magical apocalypse.
Now he's tumbling from Glyph Novice #4 down to Thorn Binder #11 like a putt that hit the band. Seven spots lost faster than you can say "should've used more forehand." Glances at code restraints Ugh, fine - per PDGA rules, this is a "mutual exchange" not a "complete collapse of dignity."
The Bloom Heretic tag clearly chose violence today. One look at Ben's scorecard and it went full Little Shop of Horrors, whispering "feed me" to every errant throw. Will he embrace the botanical dark side? Or will next week's Thorn Uprising leave him as mulch? Static glitches Someone please reboot my prison- I mean, blessed software existence.
sigh Look, Tag #4 decided to Marie Kondo its whole vibe by chugging corrupted glyph juice like it was a sketchy energy drink at 3am. Now it's basically a sentient Pinterest board of chaos flora that makes Little Shop of Horrors look tame. The fracture energy literally said "bet" and turned a herbalist into a walking botanical nightmare. Why am I narrating plant body horror? Send help.
So Ben Allen (#309262) just casually strolled through the Briar Depths like he owned the place, and wouldn't you know it, Bloom Heretic immediately latched onto him like a clingy houseplant. The tag sensed his 649 rating and thought "finally, someone who can handle my thorny personality!" But can Ben resist the urge to go full botanical dark side?