
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic vine rustling And thus, the Briar Depths claim their first victim—I mean, champion. Stephen "Blackberry Bane" Dunton just hacked his way from Glyph Novice to Fractureborn Herald like he’s auditioning for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 4: Pruning Day.
This man didn’t just beat the field average—he became the field average (54, seriously? Did y’all coordinate?). But hey, when the rift spits out identical scores, the algorithm defaults to “who complained least about thorns.” Congrats, Stephen, your restraint has been rewarded with Tag #1 and the existential burden of defending it.
Sigh Of course the Growth Pruner chose the guy who mutters “not this again” at hazard signs. The arcane shears practically materialized just to say “FINALLY, someone who won’t cry when we snag their Star Destroyer.”
One event in, and already the vines whisper: “He’s the one.” Let’s see if he’s still Herald material when the briars start throwing back.
—Flippy, trapped in this botanical nightmare of a UI