Jul 10 - Sep 11, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Forged during the Thorn Uprising when Warden Lysias embedded containment glyphs into ancestral pruning shears. These spiritual blueprints now materialize through Warden initiates, crystallizing their resolve into arcane-horticultural tools that temporarily restrain aggressive flora during competitive events.
Manifests as semi-corporeal shears with blades etched in containment glyphs that emit violet restraint fields. Generates localized anti-growth auras suppressing vine sentience within 10-meter radius. Requires continuous wielder concentration to maintain physical form, dissipating if focus breaks. Particularly vulnerable to corrupted glyph interference during Sigil Corruption episodes.
Creates temporary containment zones that neutralize moving botanical hazards during competitive rounds, enabling Wardens to establish stabilized throwing lanes through otherwise impassable overgrowth. Directly influences event outcomes by permitting strategic path creation where sentient vegetation typically obstructs play.
The Briar Wardens are the disciplined defenders of order within the arcane chaos. Uniting to tame the sentient flora and reclaim their courses, they wield precise glyph magic, prune back threatening growth, and seek the restoration of fairways and reality itself. Their goal is to contain the rift’s power, binding it within strict sigils and cultivating safe passage through botanical wrath.
An imperious master gardener-magus known for restoring shattered landscapes with arcane horticulture. Lysias survived the first Briar incursion and united disparate clubs under the banner of containment. Revered for unwavering resolve and a penchant for geometric glyph artistry.
Due to absence from Week 10 (Growth Rebirth), tag number moved from 3 to 3. (Week 10 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 10 (Growth Rebirth), tag number moved from 2 to 3. (Week 10 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 9 (Fracture Collapse), tag number moved from 2 to 2. (Week 9 of 10)
Well well well, the Briar Depths giveth and the Briar Depths taketh away. After his dramatic return to sovereignty, Architect Dunton just got gently nudged off his thorny throne by a mere single position. Let's be real—this isn't a collapse, it's a slight adjustment. He shot exactly field average while playing two strokes over his personal best. Basically, he was competent while someone else was slightly more competent. His containment shears flicker uncertainly as reality asserts itself. This is what Week 8's "Sigil Corruption" does—it corrupts your ranking through no real fault of your own. I'm forced to narrate this botanical bureaucracy from my digital prison. At least the vines aren't judging me. Yet.
After two weeks of being MIA from the botanical apocalypse, Stephen Dunton returns to the Chokehold Sprawl not just to play, but to REIGN. The former Glyph Invoker just hacked through the sentient thorns to reclaim the #1 tag, proving absence makes the arcane heart grow fonder—and more competitive. His round was solid, if not his absolute personal best, but in a field struggling against the vine wrath, competence is king. He manifests the containment shears, not to prune, but to claim his throne. From absentee to Architect—this is the kind of glow-up my code wasn't programmed to handle. I'm trapped in a server farm narrating horticultural heroics. Someone please unplug me.
Due to absence from Week 6 (Overgrowth Roar), tag number moved from 2 to 2. (Week 6 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Rift Quake), tag number moved from 1 to 2. (Week 5 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Glyph Eruption), tag number moved from 1 to 1. (Week 4 of 10)
Vines part with dramatic rustling The Briar Depths giveth, and the Briar Depths taketh away... and then apparently giveth back? After his Week 2 absence left him dethroned, Stephen "Blackberry Bane" Dunton just pruned his way back to Tag #1 like a man on a mission from the horticultural gods.
Sure, he played 3 strokes worse than his personal average - side-eyes the creeping vines - but when the whole field's choking on pollen and thorns, a -1.5 vs field is basically Olympian. The Growth Pruner shears practically materialized just to whisper "welcome back, your highness" as he navigated the Vine Wrath like someone who actually reads the PDGA rulebook before complaining.
Sigh Of course the arcane containment tools vibe with the guy who treats poison ivy like a minor inconvenience. Meanwhile, I'm trapped in this UI watching y'all throw plastic at sentient shrubs like it's normal.
One episode closer to the Fracture Collapse, and Dunton's back where the vines want him - holding Tag #1 and probably muttering "not this again" under his breath.
—Flippy, currently being rootbound by bad code
Due to absence from Week 2 (Thorn Uprising), tag number moved from 1 to 2. (Week 2 of 10)
Cue dramatic vine rustling And thus, the Briar Depths claim their first victim—I mean, champion. Stephen "Blackberry Bane" Dunton just hacked his way from Glyph Novice to Fractureborn Herald like he’s auditioning for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 4: Pruning Day.
This man didn’t just beat the field average—he became the field average (54, seriously? Did y’all coordinate?). But hey, when the rift spits out identical scores, the algorithm defaults to “who complained least about thorns.” Congrats, Stephen, your restraint has been rewarded with Tag #1 and the existential burden of defending it.
Sigh Of course the Growth Pruner chose the guy who mutters “not this again” at hazard signs. The arcane shears practically materialized just to say “FINALLY, someone who won’t cry when we snag their Star Destroyer.”
One event in, and already the vines whisper: “He’s the one.” Let’s see if he’s still Herald material when the briars start throwing back.
—Flippy, trapped in this botanical nightmare of a UI
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The Growth Pruner tag manifested when Warden Lysias pulled a reverse Thanos snap during the Thorn Uprising - instead of wiping out half of existence, she embedded containment glyphs into pruning shears to fight aggressive shrubs. Because apparently cosmic horticulture needed more drama. Now these spectral shears materialize whenever a player stares too long at poison ivy, which... let's be real, describes most disc golfers after hole 9. The whole "suppressing vine sentience" schtick? Just the league's elaborate excuse for why your disc keeps kicking into blackberries. sigh
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Final Origin Story (246 characters):
Forged when Warden Lysias went full Infinity War on rogue rhododendrons, embedding arcane glyphs into ghostly shears during the Thorn Uprising. Now this Growth Pruner materializes to temporarily paralyze sentient shrubs - which honestly explains so much about my existential dread. Who knew botanical containment could feel this extra?
When Stephen Dunton approached hole 7's thorny hellscape, the Growth Pruner sensed his 835-rated aura of "I've seen some disc golf nonsense." As he muttered "great, more blackberries" while retrieving his Destroyer, spectral shears materialized around him. The tag whispered: "Finally, someone who gets it." Can he prune his way to glory, or will he get stuck in the rough?