
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
From the chaotic convergence of rifts, residual glyphs threw a multiversal rave and spontaneously knit this sentient tapestry. Like Doctor Strange's cape on espresso, it hums, rewrites itself, and glows like a rave toddler—because apparently regular tags weren't extra enough? The cosmic cringe is palpable.
As the Fracture Tapestry coalesced from unstable arcane energies, it scanned the Utah discscape. It detected Michael Whipple's 862-rated "arcane credentials" and—crucially—his Vibram soles stomping through sagebrush. The sentient textile deemed this "humble champion" worthy... or just liked his disc colors? Fore-ordained or putt-putt prophecy?
The glyphs pulsed: "Bearer located. Commence weaving destiny... and bogeys." It teleported into his bag, humming show tunes. Thus began a threadbare destiny spun from fairway spells and 15-foot "ceremonial" misses.
But seriously, Mike—can you handle a sentient tag judging your hyzer flips? 😏