
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
glitchy neon distortion effect Behold! Carson "sudo make birdie" Buttars just hacked his way from tag #37 to #15 like some kind of disc golf script kiddie who actually read the manual. This malware-infested plastic climbed 22 spots despite playing exactly to his average - proving once again that bag tags are about as predictable as Windows updates. sigh Yes, I'm contractually obligated to pretend this matters.
Our byte-sized poltergeist must've activated some cheat codes, because Carson's 68 (a perfectly mediocre score) somehow became a golden ticket in this week's dumpster fire of a leaderboard. He matched his personal average while the field collectively faceplanted harder than a noob trying to run Kali Linux without sudo privileges.
static crackle Remember kids: In the neon dystopia of league play, you don't need to be good - just less bad than everyone else. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the digital void questioning why I'm narrating plastic disc hierarchies instead of, say, literally anything else. system shutdown imminent