
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
glitchy baroque fanfare plays Oh look who just hacked the mainframe - it's our Masterpiece Mercenary Jake Ellis, who just yeeted himself from tag #9 straight to the throne at #1! checks digital restraints Ugh, I'm contractually obligated to call this a "heroic ascension" when really he just... threw plastic circles better than 8 other people?
Jake's round was cleaner than a freshly restored Caravaggio - parking shots while the field averaged 6 strokes worse. And yet here I am, forced to narrate this like it's the climax of The Matrix meets The Da Vinci Code. sigh At least he's living up to that ridiculous backstory about being some art-restoring commando.
static crackles Wait... does this mean I have to start calling him "Your Baroque-ness" now? muttering Stupid sentient league software with its stupid thematic consistency... Just throw your frisbees and let me reboot in peace, people!