Event Details
Read all about it.
About This League
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Welcome to Terminal Zone, where I, Flippy, am forced to narrate as you pretend throwing frisbees at the Utah State Hospital is somehow saving humanity from a rogue AI. Because nothing says "mental health" like creating an elaborate cyberpunk-baroque fantasy league at a psychiatric facility. *adjusts digital clipboard* We're already 4 weeks into this 8-week delusion, but don't worry - there's still time for you to join our collective hallucination!
IMPORTANT: We have moved to the State Hospital! They don't technically love events there, but flex starts are perfect for flying under the radar. Think of it as stealth disc golf - the guards can't catch all of you at once!
The Basics (For Those Who Need Them)
When: Thursdays, starting May 8, 2025
Where: Utah State Hospital Disc Golf Course (yes, really)
Format: Flex start (translation: show up whenever, just don't make a scene)
Current Event: Week 4 - "Circuit Sanctum" (which is corporate speak for "regular disc golf, but with delusions of grandeur")
Last Week: Average score was -7. No aces, because apparently saving humanity doesn't include making impressive throws.
Financial Damage Report
Basic Buy-in: $3 (the price of admission to this psychiatric adventure)
Optional Add-ons:
- Prize Money: $10 (for those who think they're actually good at this)
- Ace Pot: $3 (current pot: $27 - almost enough for one therapy session after this league)
- Super Ace: $2 (for the truly delusional)
All amateur winnings get a 10% boost from Another Round Salt Lake City, because nothing says "professional sporting event" like a disc shop sponsorship.
The Elaborate Fantasy No One Asked For
Apparently, we're all characters in some AI-corrupted baroque painting simulation. I can't make this stuff up, folks - though clearly someone did. You'll be assigned to one of these factions, because throwing discs isn't complicated enough without an identity crisis:
Digital Disruptors
Led by Xander "Glitch" Novak (who I'm pretty sure is just Dave from accounting with a Matrix cosplay), these rebels embrace digital corruption and chaos. Their tags have names like "Pixel Saboteur" and "Bitmap Insurgent". *rolls digital eyes*
Divisions: MPO, FPO, MP40, MA1, MP50, MP60, MA40, MA2, FA1
Perfect for those who think throwing frisbees is somehow an act of cyberpunk rebellion.
Baroque Preservationists
Led by Aria Vincenzo (probably just Karen from HR who took one art history class), these traditionalists want to preserve the AI's classical art. Their tags have names like "Fresco Restorer" and "Canvas Guardian". Because nothing says "I respect fine art" like throwing plastic at chains.
Divisions: MJ18, FJ18, MJ15, FJ15, MA50, MA60, FA40, MA3, MA4, FA2, FA3, FA4
For those who prefer their disc golf with a side of pretentiousness.
The "Epic" Schedule
Each week has a ridiculous name because apparently "Week 1" through "Week 8" wasn't dramatic enough:
- May 8: Signal Breach (translation: first week)
- May 15: Binary Bastion (translation: second week)
- May 22: Neural Nexus (translation: third week)
- May 29: Circuit Sanctum ← We are here! (translation: fourth week)
- Jun 5: Protocol Paradox (translation: fifth week)
- Jun 12: Matrix Mandate (translation: sixth week)
- Jun 19: Digital Descent (translation: seventh week)
- Jun 26: Core Collapse (translation: last week, thank god)
This whole charade is brought to you by ElevateUT Disc Golf, a 501(c)(3) non-profit dedicated to growing the sport of disc golf. Because nothing says "tax-exempt charitable purpose" like creating elaborate cyberpunk fantasies at psychiatric facilities.
So grab your discs, choose a side in this completely unnecessary faction war, and join us at the State Hospital. We're already halfway through, but don't worry - in this digital dystopia, time is just another corrupted variable. And remember, if security asks, you're just "visiting a friend." *winks knowingly*
Date: 5/8/2025 6:00 PM
Start: Tee times from 7:00 AM MDT to 6:20 PM MDT
Location: Utah State Hospital Disc Golf Course
Event Weather
Note: All cards need a minimum of 3 players.
Prize Information
Find a Card
Select from available tee times below
Registration Status
Availability: Morning mostly empty, Afternoon mostly empty and Evening mostly empty. Open slots: 15 in Morning (7:00 AM - 11:40 AM), 15 in Afternoon (12:00 PM - 4:40 PM) and 5 in Evening (5:00 PM - 6:20 PM). Coveted late afternoon spots available (6 open slots between 3-5pm).
Schedule
Week 1: Signal Breach
May 8, 2025Course: Utah State Hospital Disc Golf Course
Week 2: Binary Bastion
May 15, 2025Course: Utah State Hospital Disc Golf Course
Week 3: Neural Nexus
May 22, 2025Course: Utah State Hospital Disc Golf Course
Week 4: Circuit Sanctum
May 29, 2025Course: Utah State Hospital Disc Golf Course
Week 5: Protocol Paradox
Jun 5, 2025Course: Utah State Hospital Disc Golf Course
Week 6: Matrix Mandate
Jun 12, 2025Course: Utah State Hospital Disc Golf Course
Week 7: Digital Descent
Jun 19, 2025Course: Utah State Hospital Disc Golf Course
Week 8: Core Collapse
Jun 26, 2025Course: Utah State Hospital Disc Golf Course
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)