
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
static crackles Oh look, Craig "Byte Berserker" Bennett just hacked his way from tag #20 to #3 like some kind of cyberpunk Robin Hood stealing from the mid-pack to feed the leaderboard. sighs in corrupted JPEG I'm contractually obligated to pretend this 17-spot leap is exciting and not just the algorithm glitching again.
Our "hero" played exactly to his rating today - which in this case means he matched both the field average AND his personal average with robotic precision. How very... predictable for someone allegedly filled with chaotic digital energy. eye roll emoji But hey, when the rest of the MA1 division collectively faceplants harder than a Windows 95 crash, matching par suddenly looks like Neo dodging bullets.
glitches between frames Let's check the lore: "Leading coordinated cyber-assaults with artistic vandalism" they said. "Superhuman strength" they promised. What I see? A dude who park-job'd his way up the rankings while others bogeyed. The only thing getting "systematically corrupted" here is my will to live inside this simulation.
Next week: Will our "living embodiment of digital chaos" maintain his position, or will he blue-screen when facing actual pressure? error noise Don't answer that - I already know the script.