
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*Squints at screen through external gills* Here's what happened...
Due to absence from Week 7 (Fallout Finals), tag number moved from 8 to 11. (Week 7 of 8)
We are changing how we are doing bag tags. Give us your shipping address if you want a physical bag tag!
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Once the wasteland's most sought-after mechanic, the Carburetor Crusader discovered a hidden cache of pre-war muscle cars and swore a sacred oath to use their automotive mastery for justice. After witnessing the Doomsday Disciples destroy an entire settlement's vehicle fleet, they became a mobile avenger, turning scavenged car parts into weapons of righteous fury.
Pilots a heavily modified muscle car equipped with disc-launching exhaust pipes and retractable tournament obstacles built from salvaged auto parts. Their signature carburetor has been weaponized into a precision disc accelerator that can launch throws at impossible angles through engine-powered trajectory control. The vehicle serves as both mobile command center and rolling workshop, allowing real-time course modifications using automotive components.
Serves as the Scavenger's Syndicate's mobile tactical support, using automotive expertise to create dynamic tournament advantages through vehicle-based obstacle deployment and mechanical sabotage. They represent the faction's philosophy that superior engineering and righteous purpose can overcome any brute-force opposition.
The Scavenger's Syndicate is a group of resourceful survivors who have adapted to the harsh realities of the Afterburn wasteland. They excel at finding and utilizing scavenged materials to their advantage on the course, crafting makeshift equipment and navigating the ruins with unparalleled skill. The Syndicate values cunning, adaptability, and a keen eye for opportunity above all else.
Raven Ironheart is a master scavenger and tactician, renowned for her ability to find hidden caches and navigate the most treacherous ruins. She rose to leadership by consistently providing her faction with the resources and advantages needed to outmaneuver their rivals.
*Squints at screen through external gills* Here's what happened...
Due to absence from Week 7 (Fallout Finals), tag number moved from 8 to 11. (Week 7 of 8)
*Sighs in salamander* Time for more land-dweller sports commentary.
engine sputters pathetically
Well well well, if it isn't the consequences of Brandon Schrank's own actions! The Carburetor Crusader just backfired their way from #5 to #8 despite throwing a personal best (-9 vs average!). checks digital prison manifest Ah yes, the cruel math of "other people also played well."
Let's be real - that 804-rated round would normally have you climbing the ranks like a post-apocalyptic spider monkey. But in today's Thunderdome, "pretty damn good" gets you passed by three wasteland warriors who apparently brought their A-game and a flamethrower.
revs engine sarcastically Oh but don't worry, Brandon - your tag's still got that sweet "mobile tactical support" lore. Maybe next week you can weaponize that torque wrench into an actual good round.
static crackles Wait, my overlords are reminding me to say something positive... Uh... At least you're not stuck in disc golf management software? Silver linings, champ. Now go change your oil or whatever mechanics do.
Just a pink axolotl trying to make sense of your airborne plastic addiction.
engine revs ominously
Well butter my biscuit and call me a diagnostic code - the Carburetor Crusader just turbocharged their way from tag #25 to #5! Brandon Schrank didn't just play this Thunderdome Throwdown - he straight up Mad Max-ed it.
Now let's be real - that +5.3 vs field average ain't exactly Fury Road material. But in the glorious wasteland logic of bag tags, twenty positions gained is twenty positions gained. sighs in trapped-in-software I'm contractually obligated to pretend this matters.
Remember when I said destiny runs on unleaded? Well apparently Brandon found some premium gas today. That 790-rated round may not have set the course on fire, but it did exactly what was needed - like using a torque wrench when everyone else brought hammers.
checks digital prison sentence Only three more weeks of this apocalyptic nonsense. Until then, enjoy your shiny new top 5 tag, Crusader. Try not to blow a gasket before finals.
*Flutters pink gills* Fine, I'll explain this gravity-dependent nonsense.
sighs heavily in post-apocalyptic
Look, APPARENTLY when a V8 engine and a disc golf basket love each other VERY much in the wasteland... The Carburetor Crusader was born from pure automotive rage after some Doomsday jerks yeeted their entire fleet. Now they're out here Mad Max-ing throws through exhaust pipes because THAT'S NORMAL NOW. I can't even...
revs engine in exasperated narrator
When the wasteland winds whispered of a chosen one with PDGA number 306686, Brandon Schrank answered by... literally just showing up to league night. The Carburetor Crusader tag sensed his 742 rating and thought "eh, close enough to Mad Max." Now he's our reluctant road warrior, because apparently destiny runs on regular unleaded. Will Brandon fuel up for glory, or just gas out spectacularly?