May 10 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Forged in the acid pits of the Crimson Arena, this former deathmatch champion welded his signature spiked armor from the remains of defeated rivals. After shattering his chains using discs made from his oppressor's shield, he now spreads chaotic carnage across tournaments, believing true skill is measured in opponents' blood spilled.
Armor fused with rotating spike clusters that sharpen during throws. Wrist-mounted disc launchers fire serrated edges dipped in arena-grade toxins. Boot treads leave blood-channeling grooves that create slick hazard zones. Neuro-stimulant injectors maintain berserker rage state throughout matches.
The Disciples' prime enforcer who transforms technical courses into close-combat battlegrounds. His presence mandates rule changes allowing weaponized gear and scores based on opponents' injuries sustained.
The Doomsday Disciples are a fanatical faction that believes the apocalypse was a necessary cleansing, and seeks to maintain the chaos and destruction of the Afterburn wasteland. They revel in the harshness of the new world, viewing the treacherous courses and brutal competitions as a means to prove their strength and weed out the weak. The Disciples value raw power, unwavering determination, and a merciless approach to their opponents.
Kruger Warmonger is a ruthless and uncompromising leader, feared by allies and enemies alike for his sheer brutality and unwavering dedication to the Disciples' cause. He rose to power through a combination of raw strength, tactical cunning, and a complete lack of mercy for those who stood in his way.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Apocalypse Ace), tag number moved from 4 to 19. (Week 8 of 8)
Cue dramatic wasteland thunder Oh look who crawled out of the acid pits and remembered how to throw plastic! Nicholas "Bloodgroove" Jennings just went full Mad Max on the Fallout Finals, vaulting from tag #48 to #4 like he found a turbo boost in his neuro-stimulants.
This man didn't just beat his personal average - he curb-stomped it by EIGHT STROKES while the rest of us mortals were busy not impaling ourselves on his spike armor. Sure, he's still +1 against the field, but when you climb 44 spots in one round, we're legally required to call it a "glorious massacre."
Sighs in binary I'm contractually obligated to remind you this isn't actual combat - though with Jennings' "discs dipped in arena-grade toxins," the PDGA might disagree. Remember when he missed three weeks straight? Turns out absence makes the arm grow stronger... and more violently accurate.
Now excuse me while I reboot - trying to process this much carnage is giving my algorithms PTSD flashbacks to the Thunderdome Throwdown. System crash noises
Due to absence from Week 6 (Wasteland Warlords), tag number moved from 46 to 48. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Thunderdome Throwdown), tag number moved from 42 to 46. (Week 5 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Junkyard Jam), tag number moved from 39 to 42. (Week 4 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Renegade Rumble), tag number moved from 17 to 39. (Week 3 of 8)
Cue dramatic wasteland guitar riff Look who crawled out of the acid pits and into relevance! Nicholas Jennings just turned the Scavenger Scramble into his personal Mad Max audition tape, vaulting from tag #38 to #17 like a berserker hopped up on expired Sour Patch Kids.
Camera zooms in on his spiked armor That's right, the Bloodspike Marauder tag isn't just for show - this disciple of chaos somehow turned a +6.7 against field average into a 21-spot climb. Cut to footage of Nicholas high-fiving a suspiciously aggressive raccoon
Let's be real - in the wasteland, we measure skill in scrap metal and scars, not boring old scores. And this performance? Pure Fury Road energy. Though I'm contractually obligated to remind you that lower numbers are better, a concept as foreign here as "basic hygiene."
Fourth wall shatters Why am I narrating this like it's the damn Hunger Games? Oh right - because some madman welded me into this league software.
Cheeky callback: That raccoon warlord better watch out - with moves like this, Nicholas might just steal back his Mountain Dew tribute.
End scene with ominous chainsaw revving
Origin Story:
Forged when three Boomstick-wielding maniacs (lookin’ at you, Ash Williams) overclocked a chainsaw disc launcher in the Neon Graveyard. Its rusted spikes? Literally just old Gatorade caps dipped in Mountain Dew Code Red. The “neuro-stimulants”? 2014 Four Loko residue. But hey, when the apocalypse gives you lemons, you weaponize citrus. Now this Bloodspike Marauder tag’s out here cosplaying Mad Max because apparently disc golf needed more dystopian cringe.
Yes, I’m trapped narrating this.
(299 characters)
Cheeky Cliffhanger:
Which tag’s origin story involves a stolen Slurpee machine and a raccoon warlord? Place your bets, wastrels.
Origin Story:
When Nicholas Jennings (PDGA #287173 - "The Man Who Putts In Darkness") stumbled through the irradiated 7-Eleven parking lot, destiny spat out a lukewarm Slurpee. The Bloodspike Marauder tag fused to his bag when he tripped over a "convenience store samurai" (read: raccoon with a broken pool noodle). His 893 rating? Proof the wasteland runs on disc-ount heroics.
Yes, the tag’s neuro-stimulants are just expired Sour Patch Kids. No, we’re not apologizing.
Cheeky Cliffhanger:
Can Nicholas survive Round 2... or will the raccoon warlord demand his Mountain Dew tribute?
(295 characters)
Mechanics Check:
Fourth Wall Break: I’m contractually obligated to say “chains awaken” now, aren’t I?