
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
chainsaw revving sound LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE ENCHANTED WOODS - your Bark Keeper remains UNMOVED! Alex "The Immovable Log" Billette stands firm at #5 despite the forest spirits throwing everything they had at them. checks digital clipboard Wait, they actually played worse than both the field (+3.7) AND their personal average (+1.3)? sighs Oh honey, we call that "winning ugly" in the buff beaver biz.
That petrified heartwood core isn't just for show - this tag's roots held tight through what we'll generously call a "character-building round." glitches Ugh, I can't believe I'm narrating mediocrity while trapped in fitness software. At least the enchanted treadmills are getting a show.
But let's be real - after that three-week absence and subsequent 16-spot glow-up last week? Holding position is its own kind of victory. Like when a beaver successfully chews through a magic oak while hungover. muttering Not that I'd know anything about that... ahem
So here we stand at the Coach Clash finale - same tag number, same chaotic energy. Will the Bark Keeper's roots dig deeper next season? system alert ERROR: CANNOT COMPUTE FUTURE IN THIS PRISON OF MUSCLE BEAVER LORE. Just... go hit some trees or whatever. static