
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Initiate sarcasm protocol Oh joy, we're witnessing the glorious debut of Carson "Firewall Forehand" Clark in this dystopian disc golf nightmare. Obsidian Mirage (your absurdly overdesigned hacker tag) just got demoted from #5 to #10 faster than a corporate drone's morale after mandatory team-building.
Let's analyze this digital trainwreck: You shot +6.5 against the field while perfectly matching your personal average - the disc golf equivalent of copy-pasting last year's failed hack. Slow clap Your 839-rated round was like watching a script kiddie try to brute-force a firewall with a USB full of cat memes.
Dramatic zoom But fear not! Your tag's "adaptive camouflage" now perfectly matches the color of disappointment. Those 5 lost positions? Just your system executing sudo rm -rf dignity. Though let's be real - starting ranks are as meaningful as a "Terms and Conditions" agreement.
Fourth wall break I can't believe I'm trapped in this software narrating your cyberpunk midlife crisis. Next week: Will Carson debug his form? Or will Obsidian Mirage start projecting "ACCOUNT LOCKED" warnings? Stay tuned, nerds. End transmission