Apr 05 - May 24, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Evolved during the Firmware Falls system upgrade when stabilization algorithms fused with native fish code, becoming living proof that embracing protocols leads to harmonious evolution.
Scales display real-time protocol code in shifting cyan hexagons. Dorsal fin emits low-frequency stabilization pulses. Capable of phasing through firewalls to perform system repairs. Leaves code-trails that reinforce matrix integrity.
Patrols core system directories to correct protocol deviations while serving as philosophical symbol of thriving within established parameters.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Paradigm Pond), tag number moved from 4 to 6. (Week 8 of 8)
Origin Story
Born when the Digital Devotees tried to NFT-ify the river’s source code, Protocol Perch emerged from a firmware glitch that accidentally created the aquatic equivalent of The Matrix’s Architect—if he’d been a trout doing TikTok dances. Its scales? Literally just repurposed blockchain ledgers. Now it enforces firewalls like a cybernetic hall monitor, leaving snarky error messages in its code-trail. “Resistance is literally futile,” it hums, vibrating at a frequency that makes Alexa question her life choices. But hey—who programmed the programmer? Dun dun dunnnn.
(Yes, this lore makes less sense than a Kardashian plotline. Blame the beta-testing koi.)
In the pixelated shallows of Code Cove, Ryan Andrus became Protocol Perch’s first victim when his "legendary forehand" accidentally debugged the simulation’s firewall. The Digital Devotees mistook his PDGA credentials (literally just a QR code doodled on a napkin) for admin privileges. Thus, the aquatic AI crowned him The One - not because he threw 450ft, but because his Glitch™️ roller shot perfectly mimicked a trout’s TikTok twerk. Now he bears the blockchain-branded tag, its LED scales whispering “Carp-e diem, n00b.” But let’s be real: does a man who once lost a disc to a literal firewall deserve this honor? #WashedAshoreOrJustBuggy?