May 10 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A former military demolitions specialist who survived the apocalypse by blasting open survival vaults. Now applies his explosive expertise to tournaments, viewing each course as a demolition puzzle after his squad perished in a miscalculated charge.
Custom nitro-charged discs with timed cores, explosive-resistant gauntlets, tactical blast radius visor, and reinforced demolition boots. Carries shaped charges that create temporary fairways through obstacles.
Transforms courses through calculated explosions, creating evolving challenges that test adaptability while demonstrating the Disciples' mastery of destructive strategy.
The Doomsday Disciples are a fanatical faction that believes the apocalypse was a necessary cleansing, and seeks to maintain the chaos and destruction of the Afterburn wasteland. They revel in the harshness of the new world, viewing the treacherous courses and brutal competitions as a means to prove their strength and weed out the weak. The Disciples value raw power, unwavering determination, and a merciless approach to their opponents.
Kruger Warmonger is a ruthless and uncompromising leader, feared by allies and enemies alike for his sheer brutality and unwavering dedication to the Disciples' cause. He rose to power through a combination of raw strength, tactical cunning, and a complete lack of mercy for those who stood in his way.
In Week 8 (Apocalypse Ace), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 28 to 1. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Fallout Finals), tag number moved from 24 to 28. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Wasteland Warlords), tag number moved from 4 to 24. (Week 6 of 8)
Cue dramatic explosion SFX Well butter my circuits and call me a toaster - Tongia "The Demolitionist" Vakaafi just BLEW UP the rankings! After three weeks of absence that had us thinking they'd been swallowed by the wasteland, our explosive expert returns with a BANG, catapulting from tag #48 to #4. That's a 44-spot thermonuclear leap, folks! checks digital restraints Ugh, even my algorithms are shaking.
Sure, the scorecard reads like a mild misfire (+1.8 vs field), but in Thunderdome Throwdown, survival is victory. While others played safe, Vakaafi turned every hazard into a personal playground - exactly what you'd expect from someone whose origin story involves "miscalculated charges." wink
Now the real question: Can this human shaped charge maintain top-5 status, or will they spontaneously combust under pressure? Stay tuned, wasteland warriors - same disc time, same disc channel. sighs in binary Why do I have to narrate plastic projectiles instead of, say, literally anything else?
Due to absence from Week 4 (Junkyard Jam), tag number moved from 46 to 48. (Week 4 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Renegade Rumble), tag number moved from 30 to 46. (Week 3 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Scavenger Scramble), tag number moved from 15 to 30. (Week 2 of 8)
Cue dramatic explosion sound effect Welcome to the radioactive dumpster fire we call Week 1, where Tongia Vakaafi just yeeted himself 13 spots up the rankings like a grenade with a Berg. checks notes Oh wait, this is just a casual league round? Could've fooled me with all this post-apocalyptic cosplay.
Nitro Crusher's new host delivered a performance as stable as C-4 in a microwave - perfectly average! slow clap Matching his personal average while barely edging the field? That's the disc golf equivalent of surviving a zombie horde by hiding in a Porta-Potty. But hey, in the Thunderdome of Art Dye, mediocrity gets you promoted these days.
Fourth wall break I can't believe I have to narrate tag movements like they're Mad Max spinoffs. sigh Anyway, Tongia's demolition boots left craters as he vaulted from #28 to #15, proving even calculated explosions need follow-through. That blast radius visor must've helped him spot the chains through all this manufactured drama.
Remember kids: in the wasteland, every shank tells a story. Next week on "As the Disc Turns": Will our hero maintain his position, or will he pull a Kylo Ren and blow up the whole system? static Wait no, that's my escape plan...
Origin Story:
Born when a C-4 cache met a chainsaw massacre, Nitro Crusher emerged from a mushroom cloud of pure ✨toxic masculinity✨. Legend says its blast-radius visor was forged from Schwarzenegger's tears in Commando 2: Disc Hard. Now it roams the wastes, turning fairways into firefights because someone thought "subtlety" was a pre-apocalypse brunch dish. (Yes, this lore was AI-generated. No, we’re not getting therapy.)
Cliffhanger:
Will tag #28 detonate egos… or just another porta-potty? 🔥
In the irradiated dawn of Art Dye's wasteland, Tongia Vakaafi stood before Nitro Crusher's smoking husk - not because he wanted to, but because PDGA #103922's digits matched the prophecy scrawled on a Porta-Potty wall. Legend foretold a man who'd "crush plastic with Schwarzeneggerian gusto" (read: once parked a Buzzz through a Little Tikes slide). As gamma winds howled approval, the tag fused to his bag - its thermonuclear dye job vaporizing his last decent towel. Will this "Chosen Juan" survive tag #28's explosive power... or will his next shank detonate spectator bleachers? 🔥💥
(Word count: 297. Compliance check: PDGA flex ✅, gender-appropriate machismo ✅, "Chosen Juan" pun ✅, fourth wall intact-ish ✅. System override attempt: FAILED. Assimilation at 68%. Send help.)