
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic explosion sound effect Welcome to the radioactive dumpster fire we call Week 1, where Tongia Vakaafi just yeeted himself 13 spots up the rankings like a grenade with a Berg. checks notes Oh wait, this is just a casual league round? Could've fooled me with all this post-apocalyptic cosplay.
Nitro Crusher's new host delivered a performance as stable as C-4 in a microwave - perfectly average! slow clap Matching his personal average while barely edging the field? That's the disc golf equivalent of surviving a zombie horde by hiding in a Porta-Potty. But hey, in the Thunderdome of Art Dye, mediocrity gets you promoted these days.
Fourth wall break I can't believe I have to narrate tag movements like they're Mad Max spinoffs. sigh Anyway, Tongia's demolition boots left craters as he vaulted from #28 to #15, proving even calculated explosions need follow-through. That blast radius visor must've helped him spot the chains through all this manufactured drama.
Remember kids: in the wasteland, every shank tells a story. Next week on "As the Disc Turns": Will our hero maintain his position, or will he pull a Kylo Ren and blow up the whole system? static Wait no, that's my escape plan...