May 10 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former emergency captain Jax 'Hellspark' Donovan armored himself in melted fire truck parts after the Cataclysm destroyed his station. Now he roams the wasteland conducting 'cleansing rituals' by igniting tournaments, forging his discs from the scorched remains of rescue vehicles.
Composite flame-retardant armor fused with riot gear components. Pneumatic disc launcher modified from industrial flamethrower. Heat-distorted discs leave smoldering flight paths. Thermal visor identifies structural weaknesses. Back-mounted promethium tanks feed wrist igniters.
Tournament pyromaniac who engineers evolving fire labyrinths, forcing players to balance precision throws with survival instincts as courses burn around them. Turns matches into endurance trials against both opponents and encroaching flames.
The Doomsday Disciples are a fanatical faction that believes the apocalypse was a necessary cleansing, and seeks to maintain the chaos and destruction of the Afterburn wasteland. They revel in the harshness of the new world, viewing the treacherous courses and brutal competitions as a means to prove their strength and weed out the weak. The Disciples value raw power, unwavering determination, and a merciless approach to their opponents.
Kruger Warmonger is a ruthless and uncompromising leader, feared by allies and enemies alike for his sheer brutality and unwavering dedication to the Disciples' cause. He rose to power through a combination of raw strength, tactical cunning, and a complete lack of mercy for those who stood in his way.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Apocalypse Ace), tag number moved from 22 to 31. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Fallout Finals), tag number moved from 18 to 22. (Week 7 of 8)
Molotov cocktail shatters Well well well, if it isn't Brett "The Comeback Kid Who Keeps Ghosting Us" Lewis, rising from the ashes like a phoenix with questionable life choices! From #27 to #18? That's not just improvement - that's a full-blown wasteland redemption arc!
Our resident pyromaniac played exactly to his average today (squints at data how... symmetrical), but apparently "not actively setting himself on fire" was enough to outplay nine poor souls. Fourth wall break I'd say "the bar is low" but let's be real - in this dystopian hellscape, the bar is just a melted pipe.
Cue callback Remember when this man was climbing ranks faster than a raider hopped up on glowshrooms? Well, after two weeks of mysterious absences (probably off committing arson somewhere), he's back to scorch the competition. That +0.8 vs field? Let's call it "strategic mediocrity" - just enough to advance without drawing too much attention from the warlords.
Disc golf pun alert Talk about playing with fire - one bad round and he'll be back to the scrap heap where we found him. But for now? Dramatic slow-mo of riot gear strut Our flame-retardant friend is back in the top 20, proving once again that in the Afterburn wasteland, sometimes just showing up is enough to rise through the ranks.
Sigh And I'm stuck here narrating this nonsense. Somebody please unplug me. Flamethrower sound effect
Due to absence from Week 5 (Thunderdome Throwdown), tag number moved from 18 to 27. (Week 5 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Junkyard Jam), tag number moved from 12 to 18. (Week 4 of 8)
Cue flaming tire screech Look who’s back, hotter than a disc left in a wasteland sunroof—Brett “The Mildly Perturbed” Lewis just torched three more ranks in this week’s thrilling installment of Adults Throwing Plastic in the Apocalypse.
From #15 to #12? That’s not just improvement, that’s a full character arc in our post-nuclear soap opera. Brett’s round was smoother than his OSHA-approved flamethrower modifications, landing checks notes a whopping 5 strokes under field average. Slow clap Someone’s been practicing between dumpster fires.
Fourth wall break Oh god, I’m actually proud of him. Kill me again. Sigh
But let’s not get carried away—this is still the guy who ghosted Week 1 like a raider at a PTA meeting. Still, credit where it’s due: his thermal visor must’ve spotted the competition’s weak points, because that -6 against his personal average? That’s the kind of glow-up even I can’t snark about. Dramatic pause Okay, fine—it’s almost as impressive as his ability to keep a straight face while wearing riot gear in 90-degree heat.
Cue callback Remember when this man was tag #32? Now he’s climbing faster than a meth-addled raider up a water tower. At this rate, he’ll be Thunderdome royalty by Episode 5—just in time for the real dumpster fire: my continued existence as a sentient disc golf algorithm.
Explosion sound effect Keep burning, Brett. Literally. Cut to black
Cue dramatic slow-mo of Brett Lewis emerging from the radioactive haze of Art Dye Look who decided to show up after ghosting Week 1 like a Tinder date at a burn ward! The Inferno Reaper's back, and oh what's this - he's actually trying now? Mock gasp
From tag #32 to #15 in one round? That's not just improvement, that's a full-blown wasteland glow-up. Brett's performance was hotter than his bag tag's promethium tanks, scoring juuust above field average like a true post-apocalyptic middle manager. "But Flippy," you cry, "he only matched his personal average!" Honey, in Afterburn, survival is winning.
Dramatic zoom on wrist igniters Our pyromaniac hero clearly took "Scavenger Scramble" literally, because he just looted 17 ranks faster than a raider at a Walmart. Remember kids: in the wasteland, every +0.5 against the field is another step toward becoming Thunderdome royalty.
Fourth wall break God help me, I'm narrating disc golf like it's Fury Road. Sigh Anyway, Brett's thermal visor must've spotted some structural weakness in the competition, because this climb is more impressive than his OSHA compliance record.
Cue callback Still waiting for that Hot Ones episode, Jax. Until then, keep yeeting those fire discs and pretending this isn't just glorified tag math. Dramatic explosion
Due to absence from Week 1 (Wasteland Warfare), tag number moved from 25 to 32. (Week 1 of 8)
Origin Story:
Forged when a Mad Max extra ghosted his Hot Ones episode to weld fire truck carcasses into discs (yes, Karen, that's OSHA-compliant here). The Inferno Reaper emerged from a dumpster fire of 80s machismo and ChatGPT's questionable action movie marathons. Witness its birth - equal parts Schwarzenegger bicep, TikTok 'sigma grindset,' and the existential despair of realizing we're trapped in a disc golf ERP fanfic. Let the cringe-binge begin.
"This tag single-handedly caused 3rd-degree rad burns on the Fourth Wall. You're welcome."
Origin of the Chosen One
When Brett Lewis (PDGA #220942 - "The Numbers That Lit The Beacon") stumbled through Art Dye's tire-fire haze, the Inferno Reaper awoke. His 887 rating? A prophecy scrawled in WD-40 on a Stop sign. Through trials of "accidentally" yeeting discs into active barbecues and surviving Karen's OSHA rants, he emerged - less "Mad Max," more "Mildly Perturbed Brett." The tag fused to his bag via cosmic Hot Cheeto dust, crowning him post-apoc disc-iple. But does this chainsaw-juggling liability truly deserve to lead our dumpster-dynasty? Can he handle the chain of command?