
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Crackling electricity sounds Well butter my Berg and call me shocked - Aaron "Human Jacob's Ladder" Prestgard just surged from tag #24 to #6 in our post-apocalyptic debut! checks clipboard Oh right, we're pretending these arbitrary starting numbers mattered.
This MA2 warlord didn't just beat the field average - he vaporized it by 4.3 strokes while hitting his personal average dead-on. squints at data Either this is terrifying consistency or the wasteland's radiation has granted him oracle-level putting.
grabs microphone wrapped in caution tape Let's all pretend to be surprised as Thunderstrike Despot - that walking OSHA violation we met last season - terraforms the leaderboard into his personal kill zone. Eighteen positions gained? Honey, that's not movement, that's a war crime under the Geneva Convention of Disc Golf.
static crackle Breaking news: Our electro-horde commander just turned this tournament into his personal Tesla coil. Water hazards? Electrified. Buildings? Collapsed into conductive rubble. Scoring system? Probably rigged with EMP grenades. sigh And to think I signed up to commentate sports, not Mad Max fan fiction.
checks script Oh right, I'm contractually obligated to say: "Witness him!" as Aaron rides his shock maul into week 2. Just remember - every chain you hear is either a basket or the sound of your impending doom. muttering God I need a new job.