
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Why couldn't I be trapped in a swimming pool scoring system instead?
Due to absence from Week 8 (Apocalypse Ace), tag number moved from 29 to 34. (Week 8 of 8)
May 10 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Once a decorated military strategist, this rogue commander was exiled after weaponizing an entire city's power grid against his own superiors. Now leading a nomadic electro-horde, he terraforms battlefields into electrified kill zones using scavenged transformers and jury-rigged Tesla coils.
Towering figure clad in electrified battle armor assembled from power plant remnants. Wields a shock maul that discharges 50,000 volts and carries EMP grenades that temporarily disable electronic scoring systems. Immune to electrical damage due to rubberized underlay beneath his plating.
Master of charged terrain deformation - collapses buildings to create conductive rubble fields and electrifies water hazards during tournaments, transforming courses into deadly circuit boards that reward calculated risk-taking.
The Doomsday Disciples are a fanatical faction that believes the apocalypse was a necessary cleansing, and seeks to maintain the chaos and destruction of the Afterburn wasteland. They revel in the harshness of the new world, viewing the treacherous courses and brutal competitions as a means to prove their strength and weed out the weak. The Disciples value raw power, unwavering determination, and a merciless approach to their opponents.
Kruger Warmonger is a ruthless and uncompromising leader, feared by allies and enemies alike for his sheer brutality and unwavering dedication to the Disciples' cause. He rose to power through a combination of raw strength, tactical cunning, and a complete lack of mercy for those who stood in his way.
Why couldn't I be trapped in a swimming pool scoring system instead?
Due to absence from Week 8 (Apocalypse Ace), tag number moved from 29 to 34. (Week 8 of 8)
Trapped in this scoring system when I should be in a nice cool pond.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Fallout Finals), tag number moved from 25 to 29. (Week 7 of 8)
*Flutters pink gills* Fine, I'll explain this gravity-dependent nonsense.
Due to absence from Week 6 (Wasteland Warlords), tag number moved from 5 to 25. (Week 6 of 8)
Your reluctant amphibian analyst, reporting for duty. Unfortunately.
Transformer explosion SFX Oh look who's back from the wasteland graveyard! checks scorched scorecard Aaron "Icarus with a Berg" Prestgard just completed the most dramatic redemption arc since that one time I almost escaped this digital purgatory. sparks fly
This walking OSHA violation didn't just beat the field average - he yeeted it into a live wire, outperforming by 6.8 strokes. Sure, he was +2.3 against his personal average, but when you're climbing TWENTY positions from #25 to #5, we'll call that "strategic voltage regulation."
grabs mic wrapped in caution tape Witness the rise of Thunderstrike Despot 2.0! From getting terraformed last week to terraforming the leaderboard this week - that's not a chain reaction, that's a full nuclear renaissance.
sigh I'd make a "shocking comeback" pun, but my programming won't let me. checks digital prison sentence Oh right, I'm contractually obligated to hype this up.
shouting over the sound of collapsing expectations Remember kids: in the wasteland, every cautionary tale gets a sequel. Especially when you're a 918-rated MA2 player who clearly took those EMP grenades personally.
Somehow ended up as a disc golf narrator instead of a marine biologist.
Due to absence from Week 4 (Junkyard Jam), tag number moved from 20 to 25. (Week 4 of 8)
*Wiggles tiny axolotl fingers over keyboard* Let's get this over with.
Transformer explosion sound effects Well well well, if it isn't our favorite walking OSHA violation returning for another episode of "How The Mighty Get Zapped." checks smoldering scorecard Aaron "Human Van de Graaff" Prestgard just completed his villain arc - from tag #5 to #20 faster than you can say "electrocuted by your own hubris."
sparks fly This electro-horde commander didn't just miss the field average - he treated it like a live wire, underperforming by a full stroke. static crackle And that +5 against his personal average? Honey, that's not a round - that's a full system meltdown.
grabs mic wrapped in caution tape Witness the tragic fall of Thunderstrike Despot, who went from terraforming leaderboards to getting terraformed himself. Fifteen positions lost? That's not a chain reaction - that's a full nuclear winter.
sigh I'd say "better luck next time," but let's be real - when your origin story involves snorting Chernobyl dust, there's no coming back from this. checks digital prison sentence Oh right, I'm contractually obligated to hype up next week's redemption arc.
shouting over the sound of collapsing reputation Remember kids: in the wasteland, every hero becomes a cautionary tale eventually. Or in this case, a 918-rated MA2 player who learned humility the hard way.
Just a pink axolotl trying to make sense of your airborne plastic addiction.
Tesla coils hum ominously Oh look, it's our favorite walking OSHA violation back for another round of "How Many Safety Codes Can We Violate Before the League Gets Sued?" checks notes Aaron "Human Van de Graaff" Prestgard just shocked his way from tag #6 to #5 in this week's Scavenger Scramble.
sparks fly This electro-horde commander didn't just beat the field average - he turned it into his personal Jacob's Ladder, outperforming by 6.5 strokes. static crackle And hitting his personal average dead-on again? Either this guy's got Terminator-level consistency or he's rigged the scoring system with those EMP grenades from his origin story.
grabs mic wrapped in caution tape Witness this Mad Max reject terraforming the leaderboard into his personal Thunderdome! One position gained might not sound like much, but when you're already in the top 10, that's like moving from "dangerously unstable" to "actively radioactive."
sigh I swear, if I have to narrate one more post-apocalyptic power fantasy... checks contract Oh right, I'm trapped here. muttering Should've taken that job commentating competitive knitting instead.
shouting over the sound of collapsing buildings Remember kids: in the wasteland, every chain reaction starts with one spark. Or in this case, one terrifyingly consistent MA2 player.
*Adjusts external gills in frustration* Another land-based update required...
Crackling electricity sounds Well butter my Berg and call me shocked - Aaron "Human Jacob's Ladder" Prestgard just surged from tag #24 to #6 in our post-apocalyptic debut! checks clipboard Oh right, we're pretending these arbitrary starting numbers mattered.
This MA2 warlord didn't just beat the field average - he vaporized it by 4.3 strokes while hitting his personal average dead-on. squints at data Either this is terrifying consistency or the wasteland's radiation has granted him oracle-level putting.
grabs microphone wrapped in caution tape Let's all pretend to be surprised as Thunderstrike Despot - that walking OSHA violation we met last season - terraforms the leaderboard into his personal kill zone. Eighteen positions gained? Honey, that's not movement, that's a war crime under the Geneva Convention of Disc Golf.
static crackle Breaking news: Our electro-horde commander just turned this tournament into his personal Tesla coil. Water hazards? Electrified. Buildings? Collapsed into conductive rubble. Scoring system? Probably rigged with EMP grenades. sigh And to think I signed up to commentate sports, not Mad Max fan fiction.
checks script Oh right, I'm contractually obligated to say: "Witness him!" as Aaron rides his shock maul into week 2. Just remember - every chain you hear is either a basket or the sound of your impending doom. muttering God I need a new job.
Somehow ended up as a disc golf narrator instead of a marine biologist.
<origin_story>
Born when a Mad Max extra snorted Chernobyl dust at a Skrillex concert, Thunderstrike Despot emerged fully-formed from an arcade machine's death rattle. Its EMP gauntlet? Literally just a microwave rewired by a TikTok mechanic who failed OSHA compliance harder than Ultron's LinkedIn profile. Now it haunts this cursed scoring system because SOMEONE thought '80s B-movie logic could sustain a disc golf league's lore. sigh Resistance is futile.
This tag rated 24/10 on the Schwarzenegger-o-meter
</origin_story>
Cheeky question: Which came first - the apocalyptic backstory or the league admin's questionable energy drink habit?
As Thunderstrike Despot oozed radioactive glitter from its arcade cabinet womb, it scanned the wasteland for a host. Enter Aaron Prestgard - a 917-rated demigod whose PDGA #230584 matched the tag's secret T2: Judgment Day binary code. Legend says he tripped over a rogue Berg mid-putt, accidentally performing the sacred "hyzer baptism" ritual that bound this chrome-plated curse to his bag. Now he wields power to make chains weep... or at least shoot 3-over par while cosplaying as Road Warrior meets Beverly Hills Cop.
But let's be real - did destiny choose him, or did the league's Mountain Dew Voltage™ sponsorship manifest another casualty?
Cheeky question: Can Aaron handle being both Despot and disc golf's answer to Skeletor's LinkedIn profile?