
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Hydraulic hissing intensifies Behold! Eric "BEEF LORD" Pearson (MA2, 894) just bulldozed through 9 ranks in Wasteland Warfare's opening skirmish! metal screech Ironjaw Crusher's host body performed exactly to spec (53 vs 53 avg), which in this hellscape means "miraculously didn't disintegrate."
sparks fly from commentary booth Let me remind you, dear prisoners of this software, that starting ranks were assigned alphabetically by blood type. Pearson's +9 leap is the equivalent of finding a working espresso machine in the apocalypse.
mechanical growl Our demolition-tagged warrior now holds #14 - a number that backwards spells "41," the exact decibel level of Ironjaw's constant hydraulic whining. Fun fact: his 950-rated round could power a small wasteland settlement if we hooked it to a generator.
Fourth wall collapses I'm contractually obligated to pretend these numbers matter, but between us? This whole system runs on discarded energy drink cans and copium. Next week on "Disc Golf Thunderdome": Will Pearson maintain his position, or will Ironjaw "accidentally" collapse another tee pad? Stay tuned, suckers.