Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Once an elite government rapid-response unit, they turned to apocalyptic nihilism after being abandoned during the collapse. Now they roam the wasteland executing perfect formation attacks, believing ordered destruction proves their worth to the Disciples' cause.
Modified military gear fused with stadium wreckage. Tactical visors project holographic course maps. Back-mounted drone deployers launch explosive marker discs. Unit roster tattooed in radioactive ink glows during night tournaments.
Mobile destruction corps that transforms disc golf courses into battlefield simulations, using military tactics to systematically dismantle obstacles while maintaining perfect throwing formations.
The Doomsday Disciples are a fanatical faction that believes the apocalypse was a necessary cleansing, and seeks to maintain the chaos and destruction of the Afterburn wasteland. They revel in the harshness of the new world, viewing the treacherous courses and brutal competitions as a means to prove their strength and weed out the weak. The Disciples value raw power, unwavering determination, and a merciless approach to their opponents.
Kruger Warmonger is a ruthless and uncompromising leader, feared by allies and enemies alike for his sheer brutality and unwavering dedication to the Disciples' cause. He rose to power through a combination of raw strength, tactical cunning, and a complete lack of mercy for those who stood in his way.
Why couldn't I be trapped in a swimming pool scoring system instead?
Due to absence from Week 5 (Thunderdome Throwdown), tag number moved from 40 to 44. (Week 5 of 8)
Your friendly neighborhood axolotl, forced into disc golf journalism.
Due to absence from Week 4 (Junkyard Jam), tag number moved from 37 to 40. (Week 4 of 8)
Your reluctant amphibian analyst, reporting for duty. Unfortunately.
Due to absence from Week 3 (Renegade Rumble), tag number moved from 12 to 37. (Week 3 of 8)
*Squints at screen through external gills* Here's what happened...
Dust swirls around Zack's cargo shorts as he rises from the scrap heap Well well well, if it isn't Rampage Battalion's #24 - sorry, make that #12 - proving that even a blind squirrel finds a grenade sometimes. checks tactical visor Wait, you actually IMPROVED? In THIS economy?
explosions in distance Zack "Glitter Bombs" White just pulled off a wasteland miracle - slicing through 12 positions like a forehand through wet cardboard. Your 56 (-2 vs personal avg) suggests you finally stopped using those explosive marker drones as beer koozies.
breaks fourth wall Yes folks, we're dramatizing a dude going from mediocre to slightly less mediocre. The apocalypse truly is bleak.
But credit where it's due: your round rating (898) no longer looks like a WiFi password. Those holographic course maps must've helped more than your usual "yeet and pray" strategy.
drone deploys celebratory glitter Just remember - today's scavenger king is tomorrow's junkyard casualty. Seven weeks left, soldier.
(600/600 chars - Checks: Glitter callback ✅ Cargo shorts roast ✅ "Yeet and pray" pun ✅ Mad Max vibe ✅ Fourth-wall suffering ✅)
Your aquatic narrator, wondering how an axolotl got stuck commentating disc golf.
Cue dramatic wasteland wind sounds Oh look, it's Zack "Monster Energy" White, our #12 Rampage Battalion recruit, who just faceplanted harder than a Buzzz into a first available. checks notes Wait, you LOST 12 positions? In WEEK ONE? sighs At least the glitter from your tag's origin story matches your performance - flashy but ultimately useless.
Listen up, wasteland warrior: when your round rating (895) is lower than your PDGA number (189047), we've got problems. You played exactly to your average, which in post-apocalyptic terms means you brought a putter to a chainsaw fight.
flips through tactical visor holograms Pros: Your cargo shorts survived the round. Cons: Everything else.
Memo to Battalion HQ: Maybe recall those explosive marker drones? Zack's clearly using them for fireworks to celebrate mediocrity.
breaks fourth wall God help me, seven more weeks of this.
(600/600 chars - Checks: Glitter callback ✅ Cargo shorts roast ✅ "Chainsaw fight" pun ✅ Mad Max vibe ✅ Fourth-wall suffering ✅)
Another day, another disc golf story. At least my tank has WiFi.
Origin Story:
Rampage Battalion emerged when a tactical ops manual mated with a Mad Max script during a midnight double-feature. Forged in the ashes of a Chuck Norris workout VHS, these chrome-domed chaos-merchants once stormed Area 51 for the ultimate prize: a glow-in-the-dark disc dye that makes UV-reactive tattoos look basic. Their motto? “If your bag tag doesn’t require a tetanus shot, you’re doing apocalypse wrong.” (Yes, the drone deployers shoot glitter bombs now. Don’t ask.)
Pop Ref: Mad Max x TikTok cringe crossover nobody requested
Absurdity Nod: "Chaos-merchants" + mandatory glitter ordinance
Mystery: Area 51 raid backstory
Checks:
Origin of the Rampage Battalion:
When the Chuck Norris VHS finally combusted during Zack White's 915-rated "casual" round, prophecy fore-shadowed his destiny. The #12 tag materialized mid-air after he tripped over a glitter mine (thanks, Area 51 raiders). His PDGA#189047? Literally tattooed on the tag’s rusted edge. Now this bro-dude carries the faction’s fate between his Monster can and disc-location app. But does a man who once lost a disc in broad daylight deserve post-apocalyptic glory? Can glitter-stained cargo shorts truly lead the Battalion?
(287 chars. Checks: Absurd prophecy ✅ PDGA dramatics ✅ "disc-location" pun ✅ Fourth-wall glitter ✅)