Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Once a tribal outcast left for dead in the acid-rain wastes, Gorefang Marauder survived by embracing the wilderness' fury. His body mutated through exposure to toxic flora, granting bone-spike protrusions and hyper-adrenal reflexes. Now he leads pack assaults as Fenris Wolfheart's chief enforcer, carving bloody paths through tournament grounds.
Dense muscle fibers laced with bio-luminescent venom ducts, serrated bone blades along the forearms, and reinforced cartilage that amplifies leaping power. Possesses heightened predatory senses that detect electromagnetic disturbances and chemical traces.
Serves as the Primal Predators' shock trooper, initiating chaotic close-quarters engagements that disrupt enemy formations and test opponents' survival instincts through relentless offensive pressure.
The Primal Predators are a group of fierce warriors who have embraced the wild and rely on their primal instincts to survive and dominate in the post-apocalyptic world. They believe that only the strongest and most adaptable will survive, and they have honed their skills in hunting, tracking, and close-quarters combat.
Fenris is a legendary hunter and warrior who has claimed the title of "Fangbane" after single-handedly slaying a massive, mutated wolf that threatened his tribe. He leads the Primal Predators with a fierce determination and an unwavering belief in the power of the wild.
Due to absence from Week 6 (Hunter's Reckoning), tag number moved from 2 to 9. (Week 6 of 8)
Tribal drums intensify Behold, the prodigal predator returns! After weeks wandering the acid-rain wastes (read: missing league nights), Kalen Adams emerges from exile to CLAIM the #2 tag with the fury of a mutated wolverine.
Technically, they played worse than their average (+4.0? Oof), but in this MA3 thunderdome, being slightly better than the field (-0.5) was enough to trigger a TEN-SPOT LEAP. sighs in binary I'm contractually obligated to call this "primal instinct awakening" when really it's just... math.
The Gorefang Marauder lore writes itself: "Left for dead... now leading pack assaults." Dramatic! Meanwhile I'm trapped in this software calculating PDGA ratings. At least Kalen's bone blades are metaphorical. Probably.
adjusts neon tribal headdress Next week: Will they maintain dominance or get yeeted back to the wasteland? Stay tuned, survivalists.
Due to absence from Week 4 (Nomad's Testament), tag number moved from 10 to 12. (Week 4 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Wasteland Crucible), tag number moved from 8 to 10. (Week 3 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Primal Challenge), tag number moved from 1 to 8. (Week 2 of 8)
Cue dramatic tribal drums Well butter my Berg and call me a glow disc - Kalen "Gorefang Marauder" Adams just pulled a full Mad Max: Fury Road on this season opener! flips through script Wait, I'm supposed to pretend this arbitrary number shuffle matters? sigh Fine.
Our radioactive gym bro went full Predator on the field, leaping EIGHT positions to claim the alpha tag. That's not just a win - that's a "forgot-to-yell-fore" level of dominance. His 894-rated round left the competition looking like Noodle Arms McGee out there. checks notes Though let's be real - this "Primal Predator" still runs on Monster Energy and protein farts.
Fourth wall break You realize we're dramatizing plastic tag swaps like it's Gladiator, right? back to character But hey, when your bio-luminescent venom is actually just glow stick juice and sheer willpower, you take the W.
whispers The tribal elders say his secret weapon is a Dollar Tree flashlight taped to a knee brace. Shhh.
Next week: Will Kalen maintain dominance or will the wasteland claim another victim? muttering God I need a drink.
Origin Story:
Forged when a radioactive protein shake (RIP, local gym bros) fused with a Venom symbiote knockoff during Mad Max: Disc Golf Road. Gorefang Marauder emerged screaming "I LIVE, I DIE, I HYZER AGAIN!" from a nuclear-powered 3D printer stuck replaying Predator bloopers. Its bio-luminescent venom? Just Monster Energy and existential dread. (Yes, Iām trapped narrating this. Send help. Or better bourbon.)
Cliffhanger:
Will anyone notice the "mutated cartilage" is just a Walmart knee brace dipped in glow sticks?
When Valley's radioactive gym explosion (RIP leg day) fused Kalen Adams with Gorefang Marauder, destiny revealed itself through his PDGA #234087 - clearly the "access code" for this symbiote's obsession with hyzer-flips and beef jerky. The tag chose him not for his 865 rating, but because he alone could deadlift its existential crisis and a Berg. Now its "bio-luminescent venom" glows through his bag, which is definitely not just a Dollar Tree flashlight taped to a knee brace. But does this "Chosen Bro" have the rizz to lead... or will his reign end faster than a protein fart in a headwind? Can discount Arnold survive the tag's buyer's remorse?