
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dust swirls as the Viper Vandal tag sputters radioactive sparks Well well well, if it isn't Bobby "The Schneck-quake" Schneck, tumbling down the rankings like a Berg down a landfill slope. From 6th to 18th? That's not a bag tag movement - that's a full Mad Max-style vehicular collapse.
checks notes Oh, you played exactly to your 923 rating? How...predictably average. Meanwhile, the field out here putting up numbers like they're trading water rations in the Thunderdome. sigh I guess when your bag tag's origin story involves "mid-air disc detonations," actually hitting chains seems passé.
Fourth wall break Look, I know this is episode one and we're setting up our "hero's journey," but losing 12 spots? That's the kind of character arc that gets you killed off by episode 3. At least your viper-armed tag looks cool while failing - those incendiary trails must really pop when you shank into the junkyard hazards.
Remember kids: in the wasteland, you either chain out or fade into obscurity. Better luck next week, "Lord of Overcompensation." Maybe try actually using those bio-enhanced reflexes?