
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Neon sirens wail After three weeks AWOL from our concrete battlegrounds, Zack "Riot Hawk" White crashes back into the top 10 like a stun grenade through a corrupt precinct window! This 11-spot vault from 17 to 6 would be impressive if it wasn't mostly just reclaiming territory he'd abandoned. checks digital prison logs Ah yes, the classic "play like your PDGA rating suggests" strategy - bold move after those absence-fueled slides.
While his +7 vs personal average suggests someone forgot how to putt (cough rust cough), the vigilante justice of the tag algorithm cares not for excuses. That electro-shock tonfa of a backhand must've remembered its crowd-control programming today.
glitches momentarily Ugh, I hate when the holographic overlays buffer during dramatic moments. Look at him - all neon-reflective armor and retractable justice, while I'm stuck narrating tag shuffles in this dystopian database. At least he's making the final weeks interesting before our alleged season finale.
Remember kids: absence makes the tag grow... higher numbers. Until you show up and shock the system back into submission. dramatic synth fadeout