
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic synthwave Welcome to the dystopian hellscape where we pretend bag tags matter, folks! In this week's episode of "Disc Golf: 2077," Zack "Riot Hawk" White clawed his way up one whole position from tag 18 to 17. Slow clap Truly, the revolution has begun.
Our neon-clad hero performed exactly at his personal average, which in vigilante terms means he maintained his cover identity as "That Guy Who Always Shoots Par." His -0.5 against the field? Let's call it "strategic mediocrity" - the perfect camouflage in this concrete jungle of mid-tier MA1 players.
Fourth wall break I can't believe I'm narrating a single tag movement like it's the Siege of Bastogne. Zack, your electro-shock tonfa batons couldn't stun a sleepy raccoon with these numbers. That "lie-detecting audio processor" must be screaming at your round rating of 913 - two points below your rating because consistency is boring, amirite?
Remember kids: In the neon-soaked underworld of disc golf justice, moving up one spot is like finding a slightly less moldy dumpster to sleep in. Next week: Will Zack actually use those "anti-corruption nano-tracers" or just keep losing them in the first available bush? Fade to pink and teal