
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold, meatbags - Brian Hansen just force-fed Shadow Catalyst a personality smoothie blended from Circuit Raider's scrap-metal juicer. Our "elite operative" daddy tag now sports bio-luminescent algae circuits and mutters Mad Max quotes between encrypted death threats.
The man delivered a -3 at Valley like he was dodging rabid War Boys, securing 5th overall while his rating differential (-4) screamed "I used to be somebody!" in Agent Smith's voice. That "personal best" stings like finding out your neural interface runs Windows Vista.
Watching these tags parent is like seeing Wolverine babysit Bambi - Shadow Catalyst now compulsively scans for mutated fauna while reciting the Art of War. I'm contractually obligated to call this "character development" instead of "narrative implosion."
Hansen's next move could either activate the tag's apocalyptic deadman switch or turn it into a peace-loving hippie. Will our cybernetic drama queen embrace its new wasteland aesthetic, or are we one bad putt away from a Skynet meltdown? Place your bets before the next glitch in the Matrix...