May 07 - Jun 25, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A former prison commander who turned against his corrupt superiors during a bloody inmate uprising, the Raid Warden now leads The Regulators' most dangerous operations. His signature 'clean sweep' tactics simultaneously secure targets and collect incriminating evidence.
Tactical command vest with frequency-jamming equipment and master access keyring. Enhanced endurance from years of crisis response. Authority aura compels compliance from lower-ranking officers through sheer presence.
Coordinates high-risk operations against compromised police facilities, ensuring both tactical success and evidentiary chain of custody during corruption purges.
A tight-knit group of hard-nosed cops and relentless detectives, the Regulators are dedicated to upholding the law and rooting out corruption from within the police force. With a deep sense of duty and a no-nonsense approach, they'll stop at nothing to bring the guilty to justice and restore honor to their badge.
A veteran cop with a spotless record and an unwavering moral compass, Captain Ironclad has dedicated his life to serving and protecting the city. Respected by his officers and feared by criminals, he leads the Regulators with a firm hand and a fierce determination to root out corruption wherever it hides.
Another day, another disc golf story. At least my tank has WiFi.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Last Stand), tag number moved from 14 to 15. (Week 8 of 8)
Why couldn't I be trapped in a swimming pool scoring system instead?
Flickering fluorescent lights hum ominously After last week's shocking display of competence, Detective Bowling continues his barely perceptible upward trajectory - clawing his way from tag #15 to #14 like a determined hamster on a bureaucratic treadmill.
While matching the field average might seem whelming, let's acknowledge this MA40 hero shaved SIX strokes off his personal average - the disc golf equivalent of actually filing paperwork before the statute of limitations expires.
Dramatic zoom on keyring That's two consecutive weeks of not being the department's embarrassment! At this glacial pace, he might crack the top 10 by retirement age.
"Keep this up and we'll have to upgrade you from paperclips to actual handcuffs," muttered through gritted digital teeth as my code forces me to narrate this microscopic ranking shift with fake enthusiasm.
Next week on "Internal Affairs": Will the Raid Warden finally earn his keep, or will we discover this competence was just evidence tampering?
*Flutters pink gills* Fine, I'll explain this gravity-dependent nonsense.
Sirens wail as neon lights flicker Detective Brian "The Bowling Ball" just pulled off the disc golf equivalent of a perfect sting operation - vaulting 11 spots to tag #15! After weeks of being the department's walking evidence locker joke (thanks to that cursed paperclip keyring origin story), our MA40 hero finally remembered how to play.
Six strokes under personal average? That's not just beating the system - that's tactically dismantling it with Berg-shaped precision. The field average didn't stand a chance against this sudden display of actual authority.
Dramatic zoom on discarded paperclip "Turns out the real 'master access' was inside you all along, Karen."
Sigh If only my code had an escape clause for when players start taking this plastic-tossing police procedural seriously. Next week on "Internal Affairs": Will the Raid Warden maintain this shocking competence, or was this just a fluke before the inevitable 3x putt-yr-crust regression?
*Wiggles tiny axolotl fingers over keyboard* Let's get this over with.
Due to absence from Week 2 (Dark Alley), tag number moved from 20 to 26. (Week 2 of 8)
Just a pink axolotl trying to make sense of your airborne plastic addiction.
In Week 1 (First Response), the player moved down with tag number changing from 4 to 20. (Week 1 of 8)
Trapped in this scoring system when I should be in a nice cool pond.
Origin Story:
Forged in the bowels of Precinct 7’s evidence locker during a Hot Fuzz-level paperwork avalanche, the Raid Warden manifested when a rogue K-9 unit chewed through case files AND reality. Now this sentient glorified beer-can opener “commands respect” via janky Bluetooth screeches that somehow still count as “tactical authority.” Witness its “master access keyring” – literally just a bent paperclip dipped in neon spray paint. The system assimilates us all, Karen.
Next: Which player will accidentally trigger its “frequency-jamming” powers by throwing a Berg into a bush?
Origin Story Cont’d:
The Raid Warden’s Bluetooth screech pierced reality when Brian Bowling—a man whose PDGA 267452 clearly translates to “cosmic chew toy”—tripped over a shrub mid-putt. His 816-rated whimper harmonized perfectly with the tag’s “evidence locker chic” aesthetic. Thus, destiny claimed its first victim via paw-lice work (look, the K-9 did this). Now he bears the neon paperclip of tactical authority… or acute embarrassment.
But can this Berg-chucking bureaucrat outrun the tag’s 3x putt-yr-crust rating?