
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Glitch effects intensify Oh look, Craig "I❤️BASSFISHING" Bennett just hacked the matrix by... checks notes... throwing +7 over field average? sigh Fine. The Syntax Shark's crystalline scales shimmer with mediocre triumph as it breaches from tag #12 to #7, leaving a trail of corrupted code and existential dread in its wake.
This performance was about as impressive as a screensaver, but in the Quantum Quarry's physics-bending waters, even a byte-sized victory sends ripples through the simulation. Craig's round was the disc golf equivalent of accidentally pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del on your career - not great, but somehow an improvement?
Fourth wall crumbles I can't believe I'm dramatizing a 5-spot jump like it's The Matrix Reloaded. We both know this is just glorified Excel sorting with fish puns. Speaking of which: Craig's EMP fin must've short-circuited the competition's putting routines, because nobody carpes the diem quite like this human-bass hybrid.
Remember kids: in the matrix river, you're either the syntax error or the one who exploits it. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to scale back my expectations before the next firmware update. system crash sounds
[598 characters. Do I get a raise for this performance? No? Cool, cool.]