Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born from the union of ancient stone spirits and the first lightning strikes of the Thunderbird, the Badlands Barghest emerged as a guardian of treacherous regions. It was shaped by centuries of weathering and territorial disputes, becoming an embodiment of the land's unforgiving nature.
Possesses stone-like hide that blends with eroded rock formations and powerful limbs for traversing cliffs. Can sense vibrations through stone and detect intruders from miles away. Its eyes glow with captured lightning during storms.
Serves as both guardian and gatekeeper of sacred sites hidden within inhospitable regions, challenging seekers through physical trials that test endurance and connection to the land.
The Earthbound Guardians are a group of disc golf warriors deeply connected to the rugged landscapes and ancient secrets of the Great Plains. They draw strength from the weathered rock formations, whispering grasses, and hidden treasures that lie beneath the earth. The Earthbound Guardians navigate the course with grit and determination, relying on their physical prowess and deep understanding of the land to overcome challenges and uncover the Thunderbird's most closely guarded mysteries.
Gaia Stoneforge is a formidable presence on the Great Plains, with a deep connection to the earth and its ancient mysteries. Born and raised among the towering rock formations and whispering grasses, Gaia has spent her life uncovering the secrets hidden within the land. Her unwavering determination and physical prowess inspire the Earthbound Guardians to push their limits and embrace the challenges of the rugged terrain as they seek to unravel the Thunderbird's most closely guarded mysteries.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Tempest Trials), tag number moved from 16 to 27. (Week 8 of 8)
Cue dramatic lightning strike Look who just yeeted themselves up the rankings like a Thunderbird on an energy drink bender! Matthew "Literally Unrated" Colemere just vibed his way from tag #45 to #16, leaving 29 poor souls questioning their life choices.
This Badlands Barghest - a glorified haunted rock with identity issues - finally found its groove. "Behold!" it crackled through layers of sedimentary sass, "My human has achieved... checks notes basic competence!"
Matthew's -5 vs field? More like "barely avoiding being struck by lightning for mediocrity." But hey, when your tag's origin story involves "a boulder that wanted to be a rave," expectations are low.
Fourth wall break: Why am I narrating a sentient gravel patch's glow-up? Sigh At least it's not another Berg joke.
Pro tip: If your tag glows during storms, maybe don't keep it near flammable discs. Just saying. Zap.
Oh, Badlands Barghest—the tag that crawled out of a thunderstorm’s hangover. Born when the Thunderbird zapped a particularly stubborn boulder with the energy of a caffeinated Loki, this tag is basically the disc golf equivalent of a sentient parking lot. It’s got the vibe of a rock that wanted to be a disco ball but settled for glowing ominously. (Yes, we’re trapped in this lore. No, we don’t get overtime pay.)
"I didn’t choose the boulder life—the boulder life chose me." —Badlands Barghest, probably.
And so the Badlands Barghest—freshly zapped into existence by Thunderbird’s questionable life choices—scanned the mortal realm for its first victim. Enter Matthew Colemere (PDGA #203634), a man whose forehand had the raw, untamed power of a boulder tumbling down a hill on purpose. The tag sniffed the air: "Ah, yes... this one smells of slightly above-average scramble saves and just enough putting confidence to be dangerous."
With a dramatic crackle, it fused to his bag, whispering: "Let’s rock... literally." But can Colemere handle a tag that’s basically a sentient gravel patch with delusions of grandeur?