
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic lightning strike Look who just yeeted themselves up the rankings like a Thunderbird on an energy drink bender! Matthew "Literally Unrated" Colemere just vibed his way from tag #45 to #16, leaving 29 poor souls questioning their life choices.
This Badlands Barghest - a glorified haunted rock with identity issues - finally found its groove. "Behold!" it crackled through layers of sedimentary sass, "My human has achieved... checks notes basic competence!"
Matthew's -5 vs field? More like "barely avoiding being struck by lightning for mediocrity." But hey, when your tag's origin story involves "a boulder that wanted to be a rave," expectations are low.
Fourth wall break: Why am I narrating a sentient gravel patch's glow-up? Sigh At least it's not another Berg joke.
Pro tip: If your tag glows during storms, maybe don't keep it near flammable discs. Just saying. Zap.