
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), tag number moved from 5 to 38. (Week 8 of 8)
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
The Hibagon Protector originated when a Wildwood Guardian expedition to Japan's Mount Hiba discovered striking parallels between Hibagon and Sasquatch behavior patterns. After forming an alliance with local cryptid protectors, they adapted specialized detection techniques used to safeguard the Hibagon's territory, creating a new class of protector for Pacific Northwest forests.
Possesses enhanced olfactory senses capable of detecting human presence from miles away, secretes natural camouflage resin, moves with unnatural silence, and can remain motionless for days while monitoring territory. Its physiology is adapted from Hibagon tracking abilities and environmental adaptations.
Serves as the Wildwood Guardians' early detection system, patrolling perimeter forests and alerting other protectors to intruder movements while specializing in creating false trails and misleading signs to divert hunters from Sasquatch territories.
The Wildwood Guardians are a secretive order sworn to protect the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest and the creatures that inhabit them, including Sasquatch. They believe that Sasquatch plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of nature and that its existence must be kept hidden from the world to preserve the sanctity of the wilderness.
Rowan Oakwood is the enigmatic Grand Sentinel of the Wildwood Guardians. Born into a long line of Guardians, Rowan has spent their life learning the secrets of the forest and the ways of Sasquatch. They are a master tracker and an expert in ancient forest lore.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), tag number moved from 5 to 38. (Week 8 of 8)
Dramatic woodcut illustration of a disc golfer morphing into a cryptid
Well butter my bark and call me Bigfoot—Jason Ramon just pulled off the most unnatural tag leap since that one guy claimed to have "definitely seen Sasquatch" after three IPAs. Hibagon Protector #54 has shed its mediocre camouflage like a cheap ghillie suit, rocketing to #5 in a single round. Somewhere, a cryptozoologist is crying into his field notes.
This MA2 menace didn't just beat the field average—he crushed it like a hiker who accidentally wandered into a Yeti's yoga session. That resin-secreting, false-trail-laying tag of his finally decided to stop sabotaging his game and start whispering sweet nothings like "aim left of that tree, dummy."
Fourth wall break: I'm contractually obligated to pretend this tag's "enhanced olfactory senses" matter when we all know Jason just out-putted everyone. Sigh. At least he's living up to that anime-Hibagon origin story—nothing says "power-up arc" like jumping 49 spots.
Next week: Will #5 cling to glory? Or will it vanish into the mist like 90% of Sasquatch evidence? Stay tuned, nerds.
Crunching through the underbrush like a Sasquatch on espresso Well well well, look who just pulled a Mothman and emerged from obscurity to become a legend! Jason Ramon's Hibagon Protector #54 has shed its camouflage resin and burst into the top 5 after a round so clean it made Bigfoot stop mid-scratch to applaud.
This wasn't just beating the field average - this was leaving cryptic footprints on its face while humming the X-Files theme. From perimeter patrol (#54) to apex predator (#5) in one round? Someone's been practicing their "diverting hunters" techniques... or just finally stopped throwing into ferns.
Fourth wall break: Yes, I'm contractually obligated to pretend these plastic numbers matter. No, I don't know why we're LARPing as cryptid trackers either.
The tag's enhanced olfactory senses clearly detected something special today - maybe the scent of not three-putting for once? Whatever happened, that "unnatural silence" property now applies to all the MA2 players who just got stealthily passed like hikers on a Sasquatch trail.
Callback: Remember when this tag judged your form like a disappointed Studio Ghibli spirit? Turns out Jason took that personally. Now it watches his drives with the same awe as a fresh Bigfoot plaster cast.
Final thought: If this is the "Apex Approach," does that mean next week's finale involves actual Sasquatch doubles? ...please say no.
Origin of Hibagon Protector #54:
Born from a wildly overfunded cryptid exchange program between the Wildwood Guardians and some very confused Japanese trackers, this tag exists because someone thought, "Hey, what if Bigfoot... but anime?" Now it lurks in the underbrush, judging your form like a disappointed Studio Ghibli forest spirit. Yes, this is your life now.
(Pro tip: It still can’t believe it got stuck narrating disc golf.)
How Jason Ramon Became the First Bearer of Hibagon Protector #54:
Deep in the mist-shrouded forests of Creekside, the tag lurked—waiting for a worthy champion. Then came Jason, PDGA #254308, whose 907-rated backhand mysteriously resembled a Sasquatch swatting away paparazzi. The tag, torn between destiny and disappointment, sighed: "Fine. You’ll do."
Now he carries the burden of Hibagon Protector, a title that definitely doesn’t just mean "guy who loses discs in ferns." But can he handle the pressure... or will he crack under the strain? (Get it? Crack? Like a tree branch? ...I hate my job.)