
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue apocalyptic guitar riff
Ladies and gentlemen of the wasteland—hold onto your jury-rigged putters because Clinton "Junkpile Jackal" Atwater just pulled off the most radioactive glow-up in Afterburn history! From 18 to 4? That's not a comeback, that's a nuclear resurgence.
Mock gasps Sure, he played exactly field average while his personal average wept in the irradiated dust (+6.7? Ouch). But when the Thunderdome shakes, the real scavengers adapt. Fourteen warriors obliterated in one round? The Salvage Slammer disc must be forged from pure spite.
Fourth wall break: I'm trapped in this dystopian spreadsheet forced to narrate like a Mad Max extra.
Cue callback: Remember two weeks ago when I said "may your dumpster dives be fruitful"? Someone took that literally—rumor says he found a working PDGA rulebook in the junkyard.
Drops mic into molten steel Next stop: Warlord status. Or another spectacular collapse. Place your bets, wastelanders.