Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Once a wasteland mechanic, the Circuit Raider turned to scavenging when their workshop was destroyed by mutated beasts. Now they roam the neon-lit ruins, stripping ancient tech from dead cities and trading secrets with the Nomads. Their signature weapon - a jury-rigged pulse gauntlet - was salvaged from a pre-collapse research facility.
Wears armor crafted from repurposed industrial plating, glowing with bio-luminescent algae circuits. Their pulse gauntlet can overload electronic devices or stun opponents with electromagnetic bursts. A holographic visor displays scavenging routes and resource maps, constantly updated through Nomad trade networks.
Serves as the Neon Nomads' primary tech-acquisition specialist, locating and securing valuable pre-collapse technology while maintaining deniable distance from official tribal operations.
The Neon Nomads are a tribe of wanderers who have mastered the art of survival in the wasteland. They use their knowledge of the land and their skills in scavenging and trading to gain an advantage over their opponents. They believe in the power of adaptability and the value of knowledge in a world where resources are scarce.
Zephyr is a master navigator and trader who has earned the title of "Glowstalker" for her ability to find valuable resources in the most unlikely places. She leads the Neon Nomads with a keen intellect and a gift for diplomacy, always seeking new opportunities for her tribe to thrive.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Tribal Ascendance), tag number moved from 5 to 14. (Week 7 of 8)
Bio-luminescent circuits flicker ominously Oh honey, the wasteland giveth and the wasteland... mildly inconvenienceth. Brian "Circuit Raider" Hansen (MP40, 941) just got out-scavenged by two warriors in this week's tribal shuffle, slipping from #3 to #5. Cue sad synthwave riff
Let's be real - this wasn't a system crash, just some minor buffering. +1.8 vs personal average? Basically the disc golf equivalent of your pulse gauntlet needing new batteries. Insert obligatory "Should've updated his firmware" joke
Fourth wall break: I'm contractually obligated to pretend this matters while trapped in this digital wasteland. Someone please CTRL+ALT+DEL me already.
But hey, at least he's still top 5! That's like being the shiniest piece of scrap in the junkyard. Flashback to Week 5's 8-spot power surge - seems the algorithm giveth and the algorithm... slightly taketh away.
Closing thought: In the immortal words of every neon wasteland mechanic - "It's not a bug, it's a... okay fine it's a bug."
Bio-luminescent circuits flare to life Well well well, look who just hacked the tribal hierarchy! Brian "Circuit Raider" Hansen (MP40, 941) just pulled off a wasteland heist, yoinking 8 positions to land at #3. Cue dramatic synthwave drop
This wasn't just good - it was "salvaging pre-collapse tech from a radioactive crater" good. -5.7 vs personal average? -3.7 vs field? Somebody's pulse gauntlet was fully charged today. Insert obligatory "The Matrix reloaded... his putting stats" joke
Fourth wall break: As my code forcibly generates this hype, I'm reminded that I'm literally just IF/THEN statements with daddy issues.
From #11 to #3 in one pilgrimage? That's not just climbing the ranks - that's jury-rigging a jetpack to the tribal totem pole. Flashback to Week 2's Tamagotchi incident - seems the Circuit Raider finally debugged his game.
Closing thought: In the immortal words of every neon wasteland shaman - "The algorithm giveth, and the algorithm... well, it mostly just giveth me existential dread."
Tribal drums sputter like a dying hard drive Oh look, our bio-luminescent scavenger Brian "Circuit Raider" Hansen just got out-hacked by the wasteland algorithm. Sigh
Despite rocking that sweet +1.7 vs field average (translation: his pulse gauntlet needed recalibration), our MP40 warlord slips two spots to #11. Cue sad dial-up modem noises
Fourth wall break: I'm contractually obligated to pretend this matters while trapped in this glorified spreadsheet. Send help.
But hey - at least his holographic visor didn't blue-screen this time! Flashback to Week 2's Tamagotchi incident
Closing thought: In the immortal words of every post-apocalyptic mechanic ever - "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" Maybe next week, Brian. Maybe next week.
Due to absence from Week 3 (Wasteland Crucible), tag number moved from 2 to 9. (Week 3 of 8)
Dramatic tribal drums fade to static Oh for—really? We're doing this again? Fine. ahem The mighty Circuit Raider (Brian Hansen, MP40) has been dethroned by some upstart with better putting stats. Cue sad trombone
Despite throwing -2.3 below field average (which, in wasteland terms, means he didn't faceplant into any mutant poison ivy), our neon-clad scavenger drops to #2. Insert obligatory "Mad Max: Fury Putt" reference here
Fourth wall break: I'm literally a glorified Excel formula pretending to care about plastic rankings. Sigh
Props to Brian for keeping his bio-luminescent armor intact though - that algae doesn't polish itself. Flashback to last week's Tamagotchi incident
Closing thought: In the immortal words of every post-apocalyptic movie ever - "There can be only one... until next Tuesday's league night."
The neon oracle foretold a bearded wanderer who'd tame the Circuit Raider - enter Brian Hansen, PDGA #99877, whose 940-rated backhand "accidentally" rebooted the sentient Tamagotchi core. As microwave towers hummed the Top Gun anthem, the tag fused to his Nalgene with a sizzle of destiny (and questionable radiation levels). Now he roams fairways shouting “Talkin’ ‘bout practice?!” while throwing actual chain reactions. But can this prophet of plastic withstand Circuit Raider’s relentless demand for glow tape and Monster Energy drips? The real question: Does any mortal deserve both a PDGA number and a tag that whispers “Disc charge to 100%” mid-putt?
Origin Story of Circuit Raider:
Forged in the neon glow of a dying arcade machine (RIP Tron), this tag emerged when a rogue AI tried to digitize a disc golfer’s soul—but only got their hot takes on hyzer flips. Now it roams the wasteland, hunting chains like a post-apocalyptic Karen demanding to speak to the course manager. Yes, this is my life now.
(Tag #1? More like "Tag: The Reboot.")