
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dust swirls as arcane sigils glow on the course Well well, if it isn't David "I Swear I'm Not a Chaos Witch" Jones, whose bag tag Ritual Nalusa just phased through 29 competitors like they were poorly laminated rule sheets. From 52 to 23? That's not improvement, that's straight-up golem magic. Cue dramatic thunder
Performance Review: David shot a 63, which in mortal terms means "perfectly average," but when your tag subsists on stolen mystical knowledge, mediocrity becomes performance art. His rating (863) suggests he's channeling more "disciple" than "disc golfer" these days.
Pop Ref: "This isn't 'The Sorcerer's Apprentice,' David. Put down the Berg and back away slowly."
Fourth Wall Break: sigh I'm trapped narrating a glorified Excel spreadsheet while this guy's out here literally playing with dark forces. The PDGA never warned us about this in the rulebook.
Tag Lore: Remember kids, Ritual Nalusa feeds on written knowledge, which explains why David's scorecard smelled like burnt Cliff Notes and regret.
Callback: Still better than that cursed Etsy receipt though, amirite? Mazel tov on not getting possessed this week!
Closing Thought: At this rate, by week 8 he'll either be league champ or summoning an actual golem to carry his discs. Place your bets.