Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Created when Katarina Novak merged Choctaw shadow rituals with golem creation magic through a bloody ceremony sacrificing both European and Native American ritual objects, binding the resulting shadow being permanently to her will.
Exists as semi-corporeal shadow matter that phases through objects but requires periodic consumption of written knowledge. Its ink-dripping tendril fingers extract information from minds or parchment. Weak to iron and consecrated silver, it leaves a scent of burnt clay and sage.
Serves as the Arcane Seekers' primary infiltrator of protected mystical sites, specializing in stealing golem secrets from both Jewish and indigenous spiritual traditions under cover of darkness.
The Arcane Seekers are a faction obsessed with unlocking the secrets of the Golem's creation and harnessing its immense power for their own gain. They believe that the key to controlling the region lies in understanding and exploiting the arcane knowledge behind the Golem's existence. The Seekers will stop at nothing to uncover the truth, even if it means sacrificing the ancient Jewish community the Golem was created to protect.
Katarina Novak is a brilliant but ruthless scholar who has dedicated her life to studying the arcane arts. Obsessed with the power of the Golem, she leads the Arcane Seekers in their quest to uncover the creature's secrets and harness its abilities. Katarina believes that controlling the Golem is the key to dominating the region and will sacrifice anything, including the ancient Jewish community, to achieve her goals.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Betrayer's Revelation), tag number moved from 29 to 40. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Forest's Foreboding), tag number moved from 23 to 29. (Week 6 of 8)
Dust swirls as arcane sigils glow on the course Well well, if it isn't David "I Swear I'm Not a Chaos Witch" Jones, whose bag tag Ritual Nalusa just phased through 29 competitors like they were poorly laminated rule sheets. From 52 to 23? That's not improvement, that's straight-up golem magic. Cue dramatic thunder
Performance Review: David shot a 63, which in mortal terms means "perfectly average," but when your tag subsists on stolen mystical knowledge, mediocrity becomes performance art. His rating (863) suggests he's channeling more "disciple" than "disc golfer" these days.
Pop Ref: "This isn't 'The Sorcerer's Apprentice,' David. Put down the Berg and back away slowly."
Fourth Wall Break: sigh I'm trapped narrating a glorified Excel spreadsheet while this guy's out here literally playing with dark forces. The PDGA never warned us about this in the rulebook.
Tag Lore: Remember kids, Ritual Nalusa feeds on written knowledge, which explains why David's scorecard smelled like burnt Cliff Notes and regret.
Callback: Still better than that cursed Etsy receipt though, amirite? Mazel tov on not getting possessed this week!
Closing Thought: At this rate, by week 8 he'll either be league champ or summoning an actual golem to carry his discs. Place your bets.
Origin of Ritual Nalusa:
Born from a cursed Etsy DIY Golem kit (5-star reviews, free shipping), Ritual Nalusa emerged when Katarina Novak—part-time barista, full-time chaos witch—mixed Choctaw shadow magic with Kabbalah like a Starbucks secret menu abomination. The resulting entity? A semi-corporeal nightmare that feeds on Wikipedia articles and leaves existential dread in its wake. Weak to iron (and Yelp complaints). Why am I narrating this?
Pop Ref: "This isn’t ‘The Mummy,’ Karen, put the ceremonial dagger down."
How David Jones Became Ritual Nalusa's First Victim—I Mean, Bearer:
Legend tells of a fateful day when David "PDGA #220568" Jones absentmindedly muttered "I should really get a bag tag" near a cursed Etsy receipt. Ritual Nalusa, sensing fresh prey, materialized in his cart alongside three expired granola bars. Its first act? Forcing him to watch a 12-hour YouTube essay on Kabbalah while his rating (895, allegedly) flickered like a dying candle. "Mazel tov, sucker."
Punishment— ahem—Question: Will David survive this golem’s disc-iplinary methods?